I'm gonna Love you through it
by Gleek foster kid
Summary: How will the family thrive while someone is dealing with a deadly illness
1. Chapter 1

**An- Yes, I know, I already have two peices in progress. THis one is more to... work through what is going on with me and my cancer. When I was just becoming concious after surgery my wife had apparently left to take a phone call, and I woke up to my 14 year old daughter, Liz, playing this song on her guitar. Of course it made me bawl. She said it was her mom and momma (me). Liz is so much like Callie, and went through a lot of the same stuff, that I wanted to write a story of the Fosters. The first chapter is just the lyrics, the second and beyond will be the story. (Pronouns have been changed in lyrics). **

_She dropped the phone and burst into tears_  
_The doctor just confirmed her fears_  
_Her wife held it in and held her tight_  
_Cancer don't discriminate or care if you're just 38_  
_With three kids who need you in their lives_  
_She said, "I know that you're afraid and I am, too_  
_But you'll never be alone, I promise you"_

_When you're weak, I'll be strong_  
_When you let go, I'll hold on_  
_When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes_  
_When you feel lost and scared to death,_  
_Like you can't take one more step_  
_Just take my hand, together we can do it_  
_I'm gonna love you through it._

_She made it through the surgery fine_  
_They said they caught it just in time_  
_But they had to take more than they planned_  
_Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts_  
_To hide what the cancer took from her_  
_But she just wants to feel like a woman again_  
_She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"_  
_Her wife took her in her arms and said "That's what my love is for"_

_When you're weak, I'll be strong_  
_When you let go, I'll hold on_  
_When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes_  
_When you feel lost and scared to death,_  
_Like you can't take one more step_  
_Just take my hand, together we can do it_  
_I'm gonna love you through it._

_And when this road gets too long_  
_I'll be the rock you lean on_  
_Just take my hand, together we can do it_  
_I'm gonna love you through it._  
_I'm gonna love you through it. _


	2. the phone call

_She dropped the phone and burst into tears. The doctor just confirmed her fears. Her wife held it in and held her tight. Cancer don't discriminate, or care if you're just 38 with 5 kids who need you in their lifes._

"Oncology, that's cancer," Lena said stunned.

"I'm sorry Lena, but really the best thing to do is go in tomorrow morning and have more tests done. We have concluded that it _is _cancer but we do not know how extensive it is or what needs to be done," Doctor Adler said in a sympathetic tone "I sent a referral and the hospital is expecting you tomorrow morning. Are there any questions I can answer for you?"

"Are they going to remove my breast?" Lena asked, stunning herself at the question. Tears forming in her eyes in the few beats of silence.

"Most likely, Lena," Adler said "at least part of it. They have to remove the tumor. It could be anywhere from just removing the tumor to having to remove both breasts. Then there will most likely be chemotherapy."

"Thank you," Was all Lena could choke out before hanging up. She should have probably said a better goodbye but she couldn't. Looking around at the dinner she was in the middle of preparing she sighed, grabbing her purse and pulling out $40 and heading towards the living room where Callie and Jude were curled on the couch watching a movie "Hey, guys, I'm not feeling well. Will you order some pizza for everyone?" she asked, handing Callie the money "Get me something with lots stuff piled on top" she tried to smile.

"Momma, is everything-" Jude started to ask before Lena cut him off.

"Everything's fine, Buddy." she said. She knew she shouldn't lie to them, but she also couldn't face it at the moment. Heading up to her's and Stef's room she slipped out of her clothes and pulled on a pair of pajama pants and one of Stef's black t-shirts she wore under her uniform. Where the t-shirt was skin tight on Stef, it was loose on Lena. She couldn't stop the tears when she looked down at her chest. Curling up on Stef's side of the bed she burried her face in Stef's pillow and pulled the covers over her shoulders, finally letting the tears fall as racking sobs burst through her body, causing her to shake.

That is the position Stef found her in 45 minutes later. Lena had fallen asleep hugging Stef's pillow against her, the blanket wrapped around her tightly. Stef changed out of uniform quickly and slipped into bed beside Lena, spooning her from behind, stroking her hair softly "Stef," came a hoarse voice as Lena turned in her arms as a fresh wave of tears washed over her, pushing her face in Stef's neck, trying to disappear "What is it, Love?" Stef asked as she hugged Lena tightly "Callie said you weren't feeling well."

"Cancer," Lena whispered.

"What?" Stef asked surprised.

"They took a biopsy when I went to the gyno, I have breast cancer," Lena cried into Stef's neck.

"Baby," Stef soothed softly "It'll be alright, Love, I promise," Stef said as she tried to stop the tears from forming in her own eyes "Now, can you tell me everything they said?" she asked lifting Lena's head so Lena would look at her, her heart breaking at the defeated look in Lena's eyes.

"I-I have to go check in at the hospital tomorrow morning and have more tests done, to see how bad it is," Lena choked out "All they know is they are going to have to remove part if not all of my breast," Lena cried "And then have chemo."

"Ok, ok, Baby, sshhhhh" Stef whispered as she held Lena close to her and peppered kissing across her forhead "It's going to be fine."

"You don't know that," Lena sniffled as she she rested against Stef's chest.

"Yes I do," Stef said firmly, "You are stronger than this, you care about your babies too much to let cancer take you down. Plus-" she said a little gentlier "you have me, and I'm never letting you go." Lena sighed, resting against Stef as Stef hummed softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm acting like a child," Lena said after a moment, wiping her eyes and trying to sit up, though failing with Stef's arms so tightly around her. Lena peeked up and saw Stef's face set, the same look she always gave when she was trying not to show any emtion. Lena wrapped her arms tightly around Stef an return and breathing deeply.

"You're allowed, this is hard news, though you should have told me they did a biopsy," Stef said gently "You wouldn't have had t keep this to yourself for so long."

"I'm sorry," Lena said again, not sure what else to say. She did it because she thought it would be nothing. And instead of protecting Stef like she thought she was, she made the blow harder on her.

"It's fine, Love. Everything's going to be fine," Stef murmered as she burried her head into Lena's curls for a moment, "You should stay here and rest, I should probably talk to the kids."

"I'm taking to them with you," Lena said quickly, looking up at Stef "We have 5 kids that are about to hear their momma has cancer. You can't do this alone."

Stef sighed at Lena's determination, she was probably right, but she just wanted Lena to stay in bed, rest "Ok," she said finally, grabbing her phone she quickly texted a group text to the kids that just said meet in the kitchen nook in 15 minutes "We have 15 minutes," She said as she pulled Lena against her chest, stroking her hair "Do you want to go down now?"

"Did Callie get me a meat lovers?" Lena asked against Stef, who chuckled.

"Yes, which is why everyone figured you didn't have the flu, it's not a secret in this house that pizza is your comfort food, Baby."

"It sounded good," Lena smiled for the first time sense she got the phone call, making Stef kiss her lips.

"Come on then, you can get down one slice now and more after we talk to the kids. I made them save you half of a large so you wouldn't run out."

"Like I need half a pizza," Lena tried to say lightly.

"We never know how much of that stuff you can inhail, Love, it's one of the things I love about you, is you are prim and propper until you get around pizza." Lena swatted Stef as they headed down the stairs. They saw Callie and Jude had already in the kitchen nook, Callie's eyes looked worried, Stef couldn't help but go back to Callie's first night "You guys want to eat a peice of Pizza with me and Momma?" Stef asked as they walked towards the kitchen and Lena pulled out a couple plates. Jude quickly picked up a peice of hawain while Callie found a peice of pepperoni, slowly picking at it as they ate in silence.

"Thank you for getting me meat lovers, Callie Girl," Lena smiled as she ate a peice quickly, the normalcy of the moment, eating pizzia with her wife and kids, seemed to calm her.

"I know it's your favorite," Callie said as she nibbled on her own pizza.

After a few minutes of silence the four headed back to the kitche nook where the twins were sitting and talking "I love Callie and Jude, but please say you're not bringing another kid, I just got my room back," Mariana said quickly, watching as Stef sat down with Callie, wrapping her arm around Callie's shoulders while Lena sat inbetween Jesus and Jude.

"We're not getting another kid, Miss. Thing," Stef said as she leaned back "Momma went to the doctor's the other day, they called back this evening and Momma has Cancer," she said, hating the taste of the word in her mouth. Jude sunk into Lena's side.

"Is Momma gonna-"

"No she's not, Baby," Callie said quickly, knowing what was going to come out of Jude's mouth.

"We're just going to stay positive," Lena said as she pulled him onto her lap, ignoring the sound that Stef made, obviously dissagreeing with her picking up the boy "It's going to be hard, and things here will be a little different, I won't be able to do a lot but n the end we'll be fine," She promised, wrapping an arm around Mariana who had slipped to where Jude was sitting and Leaning into her. "I have to go into the hospital tomorrow to have tests done, then I will have surgery and probably chemo. But Mom will be here,"

"Mom will be at the hospital with Momma but will make sure someone is here with you guys," Stef broke in, staring at Lena.

"Ok, someone will be here. I expect everyone to still go to school on time every day and keep their grades up, that includes helping Jude study when I am not feeling well enough to. Callie, You will have the car keys to the second car incase you guys need to go somewhere. Obciously since Mariana and Jesus still only have permits, Callie will do the driving, Brandon when he's around."

"What is the surgery for?" Jesus asked as a small sound came from Lena's mouth.

"Momma has breast cancer, and they have to remove the tumor," Stef said carefully, wincing as she heard Mariana gasp,

"So they're going to cut off your breast?!"

"Mariana," Stef scolded as Lena winced "They are going to do wat they have to to keep Momma alive and healthy and we aren't going to be negative. Momma is beautiful no matter what."

"Of course," Mariana mumbled "I'm sorry, it just- surprised me"

"It's ok to ask questions, Love, just... be careful how you ask them. Moma's really upset about this."

"Why?" Jesus asked "you don't only like Momma's boobs, you stare at her butt, her face, her legs,"

"Thank you, Jesus, would you like me to start pointing out everything you used to stare at Lexi for?" She said, though she couldn't truely scold him with Lena blushing and smiling into Jude's hair.

"I'm just saying, you're as bad as us. And WE can't do anything in the house."

"Well when you start paying rent young man," Stef laughed. Jesus smiled sheeishly. "Does anyone have any questions?" she asked. Mariana was looking a little like deers in headlights. Jesus seemed pretty calm. She couldn't see Jude's face, mostly because he had wrapped himself so tightly around Lena, and Callie had a expresion that couldn't be read. A murmers of 'no' came from all the kids. "Alright, lights are out in 10 minutes, Jude, everyone else has about an hour." Stef said as she kissed Callie's Forhead before reaching and hugging each of her other children and Kissing the top of Lena's head "I'm gong to see if Mike's off tomorrow and can come get the kid off to school."

"Come on, Jude, I'll read the next chapter in Harry Potter to you before bed," Callie offered, holding out her hand to him. Reluctantly he followed her as the kids went off towards their bedrooms.

Lena sighed before going to the kitchen and warming up a couple more peices of Pizza and taking them up to her room, curling onto Stef's pillow, eating the food her mom always said was forbidden, it would make her fat, it would cause oily and bad skin, but at that moment, she didn't care. Stef came in as Lena was finishing her food. Taking the plate from Lena she scooted into the bed behind her, Taking a hair tie she silently pulled Lena's hair on top of her head and pulled Lena's back flush with her front "Come to decide this is your side of the bed," She teased softly, running her thumb across Lena's collarbone. Lena shrugged, about to scoot towards her side when Stef wrapped her arms tighter around her "You're fine, don't move," she whispered , resting her chin against Lena's collar bone, "I love you," She whispered, peppering kisses over her ear and jaw.

"I love you, too," Lena whispered as she started to cry again.

"Baby," Stef cooed, quickly crawling over Lena so they were facing eachother "lease don't cry," She said as she wiped the tears that never stopped falling down Lena's face "I know you're scared, I am too."

"Jude thinks I'm going to die," Lena cried into Stef's chest.

"He's just afraid, he already lost one mom, he's afraid you'll go away too."

"I don't want him afraid. I never wanted him to hurt again," she said as the tears continued down her face.

"I know, Love," Stef said as she pulled Lena to her, trying to soothe her softly "We can't save them from everything though, sometimes, as much as it hurts, we have to let them get a little scathed. We just have to show them, this time, their world isn't going to fall apart, that they will still be a part of this family."

Lena nodded into Stef's chest, her breath hitching as she tried to stop her crying, Stef running her hand up and down Lena's back, side, softly rubbing her butt, trying to think of all the things that usually made Lena calm down. But truthfully, they haven't gone through anything like this before. It wasn't until Lena fell asleep from utter exsaustion from crying that the tears stopped and Stef laid her head back, trying to find the courage to hold her family through this.


	3. night time

**AN- Thank you all for the reviews! It's now been about 48 hours sense my surgery. It went... Well, my breasts have been removed, we'll just say that. I'm feeling alright, up a little more at a time. My Love is with me and my babies are with my partner's parents who are staying at our house for the moment. I have another day to recover, Saturday moring I start intensive chemo. I wrote this in about 45 minutes, please excuse any erorrs. **

_She said, "I know that you're afraid and I am, too_  
_But you'll never be alone, I promise you"_

Stef thought there was no way she was going to fall asleep that night, her mind was going too fast, but she must have because she was just starting to wake up, looking at the clock it was 3 in the morning, and she had to go to the bathroom, badly. She slowly started to uncurl Lena from her. Lena had a death grip around her middle and a leg thrown over Stef's thighs. Stef was able to move Lena's arm and had almost got her legs free when Lena started to stir, moaning a little as she pushed her palm against her chest "Love, Love, you're ok," She whispered softly, trying to ease Lena's arm from her chest, worried she was having a nightmare.

"Hurts," Lena said in a small voice, obviously more awake.

"Ok, let me see, Love," she said softly, lifting Lena's top and wincing, even in the low light she could see Lena's left breast was slightly swollen and was colored angry red, most likely agrivated from the way Lena had been sleeping "I'm going to get you some ibprophen, I'll be right back," she promised, lowering Lena's shirt and kissing her lips lightly. Getting out of bed she was surprised to see a pile of blankets on the floor at the end of the bed, walking over she saw Callie, who had made a small nest of blankets and pillows on the floor, sound asleep with her thumb in her mouth, her pointer finger wrapped around the bridge of her nose.

Going into their bathroom Stef pulled out some pain killers and filled the glass they kept in the bathroom to brush their teeth "Here you go, Love," Stef said softly, helping her sit up and taking the pills, "I'm going to go check on the kids and get an icepack for the swelling, feeling up to a visitor?" she asked as she laid Lena back down.

"What'd you mean?" Lena asked half asleep.

"Our oldest daughter is sleeping on the floor infront of our bed." Lena just nodded and scooted over a little so she was in the middle. "Callie Girl, Love, Come on, go crawl up there with Momma," Stef whispered gently shaking Callie who woke with a start,

"Mom, I'm sorry it's just-"

"It's ok, Love, you don't have to explain, I'm going to go check on everyone and get Momma something, watch her for me," Stef said, hoping the last part would convince Callie to climb into bed. Thankfully it did, Callie crawled into Stef's side of the bed. Stef couldn't help but smile sadly as Lena pulled the covers up to let their daughter in and hold her hand tightly.

Quickly, Stef went to check on the other three. When she walked into the boys' room she found Jesus fast asleep, though she noticed an old bear of his peaking out from under his pillow quietly she walked over and kissed his cheek. Jude was in his bed fast asleep, though clutching two pictures, one of him and his mother when he was a baby, the other, one of him and Lena on his gotcha day. Slowly she took the pictures out of his hands and placed them on his bedside table, pulling his covers over him and pushing his hair back, kissing his forhead. In Mariana's room she found the girl clutching her blanket "night night" Stef kissed Mariana's cheek before heading downstairs and pulling a cold compress out of the freezer, wrapping in it in a dishrag before heading back upstairs. Stef shook her head as she walked by her children's rooms. She didn't know how to get to all of them and take care of Lena at the same time. It would be something she had to learn how to manage, they couldn't all go to bed like this again, without her there to be able to talk if they needed. Which obviously, they all had, especially her two newest children, who already knew wha it was like to loose a mother.

In the room Callie had fallen back asleep, though was curled into Lena, Stef wasn't sure if Callie was seeking comfort or trying to protect her momma. Lena opened her eyes when she saw Stef smiling gratefully at the cold compress. Stef helped her sit up and sat behind her, pulling Lena down so the back of Lena's head was resting on Stef's chest and helping Lena pull her hirt up she gently placed the cold compress on the angry looking skin "How long has this been going on, Love?" she asked as Lena relaxed against her.

"A couple days before I went and saw Adler, it's never been this bad, but I never lay on my left side," Lena said as she stretched her neck nuzzling her face against Stef's jaw "usually I grab a couple ibprophen and snuggle up to you and it goes away." Stef hated to think that this had been going on and Lena had been in pain and she had been asleep.

"Feeling any better?" Stef asked as Lena's breathing started to even and it was quiet for a few minutes, Lena nodded "alright, Love, let's get some sleep." She whispered as she took the compress off of Lena's chest and set it on their bedside table about to lift Lena when she shook her head,

"Can we stay like this?" she asked as she turned on the side that wasn't sore and pulled down her shirt.

"Of course, Love, anything you want," Stef whispered, making herself comfortable and leaning back, letting her eyes start to close.

"I want to keep my breast," Lena muttered to herself, causing Stef to hug her tightly.

"I know, Baby, don't think about that right now, just sleep" she said as she softly massaged the back of Lena's scalp.


	4. breakfast

**AN- Hey everyone, I hope you are all doing well. I am doing ok. Spent the day either asleep or snuggled up to my Love watching reruns or "the Fosters". Haven't been feeling to well. But I wanted to thank you all for the support and prayers. I'm surviving. That's all I can ask for at the moment. **

_When you are weak, I'll be strong._

Lena groaned when she heard her alarm going off. She felt like she had just gone back to sleep and she would give anything to stay here on top of Stef and sleep.

"You don't have to get up, Love. Mike is going to be here in 20 minutes and we can get the kids up," Stef said, reading Lena's mind as she reached over and turned off the alarm.

"No, I don't want to freak the kids out," Lena yawned as she pushed herself off of Stef and stretched "Plus, I'm fine. Just a little tired, which you probably are too." Lena said as she crawled out from between Stef's legs and held out her hand to help her up, sighing when Stef ignored it and pushed herself up "I'm not going to break, you know."

"After last night, Love, I just want to... make sure you're ok. You were in so much pain."

"Yeah, but you were there for me," Lena said as handed Stef her robe and moved into Stef's arms, wrapping her arms around Stef's waist and holding her tightly, trying to draw strength from her "I love you."

"I love you too, Baby," Stef whispered, kissing Lena's neck gently before letting her go.

Lena walked over to where Callie was laying on Lena's side of the bed, "Hey, Babe, it's time to get up," she said, shaking Callie's shoulder gently "Go hop in mine and Mom's shower, Me and mom don't have to get ready for an hour or so." She said as Callie rubbed her eyes tiredly looking up at Lena like she wanted to say or do something, as Callie started to sit up Lena sat down and held her arm out, staggering slightly when Callie dove into her arms, holding on tightly as Lena rocked them both slightly.

"I'm sorry about last night, I just, I thought, I wanted," Callie kept trying.

"This might surprise you, Callie Girl, but I like when one of my kids comes in every once in a while to sleep with me and Mom," Lena smiled, kissing her forhead "Now go hop in the shower before all the hot water is used." Callie held on to Lena one more second before going to her room to grab clothes and her towel. Lena stayed sitting "Ok, maybe the lack of sleep is getting to me a little," she admitted "Can you start breakfast? I'll be down in 10 minutes."

Stef smiled softly "Of course, Love. Come down when you're ready. I'm going to make sure the rest of the kids are up and alright." Lena promised herself she would lay down just a few minutes, but had fallen back asleep, waking up to Brandon walking in the room with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Here, Momma," Brandon said as he set down the cup down on her bedside table, crossing his arms over his chest and looking at her. Lena crossed her arms across her chest at the stare but stood up, holding out her arms, imediatly Brandon walked into them, pulling her into a hug. Lena closed her eyes and couldn't help but be brought back to when Stef was shot, seeing Brandon's face when he walked into the ER, "I love you, Momma," he said as squeezed for a moment.

"I love you too, B," Lena smiled "Everything's going to be alright," she said as she held his face, smiling softly.

"I know," Brandon said, lowering him eyes.

"Hey, you have been my bud since you were five years old. You trust me don't you?" She asked.

"I was... looking up breast cancer on the internet" Brandon trailed off "And, what they say, it's just, the statistics."

"Mean nothing until we know more," Lena said softly. Brandon just nodded. Lena grabbed her cup and smiled "Let's head down to breakfast," she said as she saw Callie stepping out of her bathroom dressed and her hair done.

Brandon and Callie followed close behind Lena who walked carefully down the stairs and into the kitchen where Stef was cooking eggs and Jude was making toast "Thanks for helping, Little Man," Lena said, kissing Jude's forhead as he buttered a peice.

"Your welcome, Mom," Jude said as he looked up for a second. Lena noticed something sticking out of his back pocket,

"What are these?" she asked as she pulled out the two photographs Stef had found him clutching the night before "You know, you have your Mother's hair, and her eyes," Lena said as she kissed his temple before moving the pictures to see the one of the two of them. Lena had her arms around Jude's shoulders from behind and was bent down smiling while looking at him as Jude smiled at the camera "It would probably be safer to scan these on the computer and make copies so you could carry the copies and these wouldn't get ruined."

"That's a good idea," Stef said looking over, "I'll do that for you, Bud," she said taking them "Breakfast is ready you guys!" she called up to the twins as everyone else sat down. Lena sat next to Jude and piled eggs on both of their plates and pouring them orange juice as Callie and Brandon got toast as the twins walked in. Marianna veered towards the empty seat beside Lena and sat down, when she didn't grab any food Lena piled eggs on her plate also.

Jesus took his pill and hovered over Lena "Jesus, Babe, sit down and eat, I'm not going to fly away," Lena said as she pointed to the empty seat across from her, sighing when no one spoke "Alright, either talk or I will start, and I promise if I have to start we are all going to talk about our feelings," Lena said to the silent group, smiling softly when Callie started to tease Jude, causing the table to erupt with playful laughter and jokes. Silently she ate a few bites of eggs as she watched her children. Callie and Jude seemed to still be aprehensive and she figured she would have to speak to them both on their own about their fears, along with her other children. "Are you hungry, Mike?" Lena asked, noticing him for the first time, sipping a cup of coffee and leaning against the sink in his uniform.

"No thanks, I never eat before noon. Do you need anything?" He asked.

"I'm fine," Lena said, looking down when Mike raised an eyebrow as if to say 'oh really'.

"Alright my babies!" Stef said as she walked in "everyone needs to grab backpacks, Jesus, Marianna, don't forgt your book reports. Callie you have therapy after school" She said, "Jude, Brandon will pick you up after your tutoring seson. I don't know if me and Momma will be home tonight, if not Mike will be here." There was a murmer of of oks as Stef walked over to Jude "Here you go, Buddy, I copied them, I even did it on photo paper" She smiled, handing him the two new photos.

"Thank you, Mom," Jude smiled, looking at them for a few moments before slipping them in his back pocket.

"You're welcome, Baby," Stef smiled, kissing his head "alright you guys, Jump in either the car Mike or Callie is driving, no being late." She said as the kids got ready to go. Marianna and Jude ddn't move "Come on babies," Stef smiled softly, "Give Momma a hug and get to school." THey both hugged Lena tightly before grabbing their backpacks.

By the time all the kids were out, they had all given Lena two or three hugs "alright, Love, you want to take a shower? We have about 2 hours until we need to get you checked in for testing," Stef said, kissing Lena's temple.

"What about a bath?" Lena murmered, pulling Stef to her and resting against her.

"A bath with company?" Stef asked as she hugged Lena, smiling when she nodded "I could arange that," she said softly, taking Lena's hand "Come on Love," she said as she led Lena up the stairs and sat on their bed before heading towards their bathroom and starting the bath, setting two towels and a cup beside it. In the bathroom she felt a bang at the exsausted look in Lena's eyes. The morning had worn her out emotionally with all the kids who needed her reassurance, something they needed from Lena, something Stef couldn't give them. Quickly she pulled off her clothes before walking to Lena, silently helping her out of her clothes.

In the bathroom Stef stepped into the bathtub before helping Lena in in front of her, pulling her so she was laying against Stef's chest "m, like this," Lena murmered, letting herself fully relax against Stef's smooth skin.

"Me too, Love, I like this too," Stef smiled as she picked up a washcloth and dunked it in the water, gently running it across Lena's mocha skin "are you in any pain?" she asked, noticing Lena's breast was still swollen, though it wasn't the same angry color.

"A little," Lena sighed, cringing when Stef past the washcloth down Lena's breast.

"I'm Sorry, did that hurt?" Stef asked.

"No, it's just-"

"I understand, Love," Stef whispered, kissing her temple "I'm sorry it's going to happen, but I will always love you." Lena nodded, trying not to show her tears. Stef gently washed Lena's body as well as she could while they were laying, humming softly before slowly washing Lena's hair, before helping her turn so they were laying chest to chest, Something that usually erotic, but at the moment just let them be close, Lena's face hidden in Stef's neck "Come on, Love, let's get you dressed," Stef whispered after a half hour in the tub, the water starting to become luke warm.

After they were out of the tub Stef helped Lena into a pair of loose yoga pants, an under shirt with a built in bra that would allow Lena some feeling of coverage without having to wear a bra, and one of Stef's t-shirts bfore pulling a pair of worn jeans, an tank top, and a sweater jacket. Stef brushed Lena's hair and put her hair product in Lena's hair before pulling it on top of her head, letting her lay down before grabbing a a bag and filling it with a couple books for Lena, a change of clothes, their laptop, and some paperwork.

"Alright, Love, We have to get going," Stef said softly, rubbing Lena's thigh. Lena stood up and followed her silently, stopping at the front door she looked around "You ok, Love?" Stef asked when Lena stood firm in her spot.

"What if I never come back?: Lena whispered after a moment.

"Baby, you can't think like that, you'll be coming through this door for the next 40 years," Stef said as she wrapped her arm around Lena's back and led her out the door.

The car ride was silent as Stef drove while holding onto Lena's tremling hand. Once they parked Lena started at the hospital "ready, Love?" Stef asked softly as she went to open her door.

"No," Lena whispered softly as tears filled her eyes "Can't we just go home?"

"Baby," Stef murmered as she pulled Lena over the center concel and onto her lap, which took a little fumbling, "I know you're scared, but if you don't go n you will die. They're going to help you get better."

"I know," Lena whispered, holding onto Stef "I love you."

"I love you, too, Baby," Stef said softly as she opened her car door and got them both out.


	5. prognosis

_When you let go, I'll hold on. _

STef couldn't help stare at Lena dozing on the hospital bed, an IV running from the back of one of her hands. The last two hours had been long. It had taken them five tries to get a vein to take blood, and after 4 vials the vein had ruptured, causing them to have to try two more times and get three more vials of blood. It almost amazed Stef that Lena still had enough blood running through her body.

They had given Lena morphine through an IV while they got ready to do a CT scan. By Lena's symptomes (most that killed Stef for not knowing before today), it sounded like the cancer had moved to her lymph nodes if not to other organs.

Lena shifted restlessly. Stef knew Lena was sensitive to a lot of medications but the less pain Lena was in the better. She had been forcing herself to stay sitting on the chair but when Lena started to become restless she lost all reserve, toeing her tennis shoes off and slipping next to Lena on the opisite side of the IV. She kissed Lena's head when Lena imediatly turned into her, resting her head on Stef's shoulder.

Stef pulled out her phone and was surprised to see 17 new messages on her phone. Flipping through she saw they were all from the kids. If it were any other circumstance she would have chastized them for having their phones out during school, but she couldn't when she saw the nature of the messages. Turning her camera on she quietly turned it towards them, snapping a picture of the two of them. She attached the picture of Lena sleeping on her shoulder and sent a group text to all her kids _Momma's doing fine, Babies. Just sleeping while we wait to do a ct scan. Sort of like an X-ray.- Mom. _

Taking another second to read through the texts more thouroughly she let out a small, sad sigh before starting another text.

_My precious Loves, I know you are scared, but please try not to worry too much. I know your scared to loose another mom, but lets not worry so much until we find out how bad it is, alright? I love you both more than you could ever know, so does Momma.- Mom _She sent to Callie and Jude, who made up for 11 of the 17 texts. She was instantly glad that she convinced Lena that Jude needed to be on the family plan. She knew she probably shouldn't be sending texts in the hospital, it messed with equipment or something like that, so she shut it off, promising herself she'd check her phone later.

"What'r you doing?" Lena asked slurred as she looked over at Stef's phone, wrapping an arm around Stef.

"Texting back our babies. They're worried, especially our Callie Girl and Little Man," Stef said as she set down her phone and wrapped Lena in her arms.

"Why are they calling you. Aren't they in class?" Lena asked as she rested her head on Stef's chest, running her hands against her arms.

"They're worried, are you cold, My Love?"

"No, prickly."

"You are not prickly," Stef joked, kissing her forhead before taking one of Lena's arms and running her hand up and down it "I'm sorry, Love."

"Don't hurt though. My stomach and chest don't hurt," Lena murmered as she closed her eyes.

"No pain and the longest we've been able to be alone since you picked miss Callie up," Stef smiled, trying to lighten the mood a little "We should celebrate."

"mm, yeah, I swore never to have sex in a hospital," Lena mumbled, making Stef laugh.

"Obviously you have a lot of that crap going through your body if you thought I was talking sex in a bright, cleaning product- smelling room with you half asleep on me," Stef smiled "But I do love cuddling here with you."

"Me too," Lena said as shifted around, looking up as a doctor knocked on the door and slowly opened it, making Stef fidget, but calm when he just smiled.

"How are you feeling, Lena? Is the morphine helping?"

"I feel alright."

"Alright, so what I'm going to do is put something in your IV that will help us see on the CT scan what is going on."

"Ok," Lena said softly as she gripped Stef's hand.

"We are also going to do a bone scan in a few days to see if the cancer has spread to your bones. Have you felt any pain in your bones?" Lena shook her head, "that's good. We'll still do it just to check, and so we can see the overall health of your bones." Again Lena nodded. She really didn't know what to say, so looked over at Stef.

"Can she go home tonight?"

"We'll see how you're feeling," the doctor dirrected at Lena "We won't be able to do anything until we get the information back, but what we think you have is IBC, inflamitory breast cancer, is very fast acting, and we'll need to fight it right away."

"Can my children come visit if I can't? I have have 5 children... 2 of them I just adopted a month ago. Their birth mother died and they're really worried," Lena rambled, Stef pulled Lena to her and stroked her hair. Between the stress and the morphine, Lena's usual calm demeaner was waivoring.

"sure," the doctor said "Visiting hours end at 8, so as soon as we're done we'll check in, and if we decide it's better for you to stay you can call your kids."

Lena nodded again "thank you,"

"Alright, a nurse is going to be to put that in your IV then we'll get you down to for the ct scan." Stef nodded her thanks for the both of them as he turned and walked out, running her hand up and down Lena's back as Lena sniffled against her,

"Are you ok, My Love?" Stef asked gently as she lifted Lena's head to face her.

"Yeah, I just... god this is happening so fast. I want another night to hold my children and reassure them, I want to fall asleep in my own bed and just forget this whole thing."

"I know, Love. I do too," Stef said as she pulled Lena close to her, closing her eyes as they waited for the nurse "I would feel better if you were here tonight, though. They can keep the pain down, keep monitored, you wouldn't have the stress of the kids. And I'd be right here with you."

"Can't we wait and see? I mean, they would give me pain meds to take home."

"Sure, Love," Stef said as she lifted her head from on top of Lena's when the nurse started to come in, gently she untangled herself from Lena and got off the bed, sitting back in the chair as she took Lena's free hand, kissing her knuckles, ignoring the look the nurse gave her, aparently not everyone was as tolerant as Lena's doctor.

The nurse checked Lena's hospital bracelet and cleaned the IV port, "You'll probably feel itching, and have a metalic taste in your mouth," the nurse said offhandedly as she injected the contrasting ajaint into the iv "I'll be back in half an hour to take you down to your CT scan."

"She sure is chipper," Lena murmered.

"Yeah, well, don't worry about her," Stef said as she got back on the bed and pulled Lena onto her chest, playing with the ends of her hair "We can always watch some cheesey movie on the laptop until you go down."

"THe first Harry Potter?" Lena asked as Stef reached down and grabbed the bag that had the laptop.

"You're getting as bad as Jude," Stef laughed as she pulled the laptop out and set it on the rolling table that went across the bed.

"Hey, I got him to like reading with Harry Potter. I just happen to like Harry Potter just as much."

"I know, Love, I'm just kidding," Stef said as she started the movie, smiling as she saw Lena's features start to relax as she became engrosed in the movie. Harry was just getting to Hogwarts when the nurse walked back in and cleared her throat, Lena sighed, glancing over at the nurse before pecking Stef's lips,

"Go get something to eat while I'm getting tested," she said as Stef stood up and then helped Lena up and into the wheelchair. Stef felt lost once Lena was gone. They said it could take up to 45 minutes so Stef made her way to the cafeteria and got a cup of coffee and poked at a sandwitch, not really hungry. After she had pretty much mutilated it she took her coffee and walked outside, pulling out her phone and texting Mike, asking him to bring the kids at 7:30. Lena wouldn't be going home that night. Something in her just knew, knew that this was serious, that what they were going to hear in a few hours was going to change their lives, more than just Lena loosing her breast.

Back in the room Stef smiled as she saw the nurse pushing Lena into the room. Her heart skipping a beat when she saw how tired Lena looked, her hair taken down, most likely so they could have her positioned right, falling into her face; her elbow on the arm rest, her chin resting in her hand.

"Hi, My Love," Stef smiled as she stood, helping her out of the wheelchair and back into bed, pulling Lena's curls up on the top of her head.

"Could have done that," Lena murmered as she laid her head back, closing her eyes.

"Yes, but why should you when I can do it for you?" Stef said, kissing Lena's lips softly "Famcy a cuddle?" she asked as she sat on the edge of the bed, slipping next to Lena as when she nodded.

"Sorry, 'm so sleepy," Lena murmered, pressing her face into Stef's neck when Stef turned and wrapped her arms around her. "YOu can touch them you know," Lena sighed when she felt Stef try not to touch her breast. Stef usually always rested her hand on the top of her breast when they cuddled. Stef didn't want to hurt Lena, or make her feel like Stef wouldn't find her attractive when she had to have them removed.

"Sorry, Love, I just didn't want you to feel worse about everything," she said as she rested her hand on Lena's brest, internally cringing when she felt the heat radiating off of it through the hospital gown, the slight swelling.

"Don't feel better when you act like touching one would give you the plague," Lena grumbled. resting her hand on top of Stef's.

"I'm sorry, Love," Stef said again, pressing play on the movie before turning back to Lena who had her eyes closed and already seemed to be falling asleep. The movie was long over when Lena's doctor came back in the room.

"How are we doing?" he asked as Stef gently shook Lena to wake her up.

"Ok, tired," Lena said groggily.

"That's normal," he said in a sympathetic tone before shifting through papers "I want to show you what we found on the ct scans," he said as he pulled out one photo "This is your left breast, and as you can see, there is discoloring, that is the cancer," he said as he circled pretty much the whole of her left brest and a small part of her right.

"So what do we do?" Stef asked as Lena became silent.

"I guess you have heard of a mastectomy," he said gently, looking at Lena "What we need to do if you are wanting to fight this is a modified radical mastectomy, this is where we will remove both breasts, the lymph nodes under your arms, and part of the muscle on your chest wall."

Stef pulled Lena tighter against her as she listened to the doctor speak, a pained sound coming from her when Lena asked the next question, "If I fight this, what's the chances I live?" she asked carefully.

"Lena, I'm not going to lie to you or your wife. First, let me show you another part of the scan," the doctor said simply as he placed another one up against the light "This is your liver," he said carefully, circling a spot on it "and this is where your cancer has spread to your liver," he said as he turned back to her, "I want to do the mastectomy right away, and then start chemotherapy and radiation. With doing these things you have a 34% chance of living over 5 years."

"And without?"

"I would give you a few hard months. I'm sorry."

"When do we begin?" Lena asked softly. Part of her wanted to give up, especially with those odds. But she knew she couldn't give up and leave her wife and five kids.

"I'm going to have a surgion come in tomorrow, hopefully the day after that. We'll put a port in your chest at the same time to administer chemotherapy"

"Ok," she said simply, forcing herself not to cry as she looked at Stef who's face was set in a blank stare, her chin quivering slightly.

"I'll leave you two alone," the doctor sighed softly "I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news. If you have ANY questions at all, please just press the nurses button. If I'm not here you can have them call me. I think dinner plates should be coming around soon," a mutual understanding that Lena wouldn't be leaving.

Looking up at Stef and seeing the tears falling from her eyes was the thing that made Lena break, sobs racking her body as she curled her knees up to her chest, rocking herself.

"Baby, my Love," Stef whispered hoarsly, pulling Lena on her lap and rocking them both quickly, pressing Lena close to her as she forced herself to stop her tears.

"34%," Lena cried as she pressed and pulled at Stef's body, seeming to try and disapear into it.

"I know, but you can beat this," Stef said as she peppered kisses wherever she could reach, her heart breaking at how scared Lena was. Hell, she was just as scared. She couldn't live without her Love. Lena continued to cry until she felt like she had no more tears, numbly in Stef's arms.

"Hold me," she said, more to the room than to Stef.

"Ofcourse Love," Stef said softly, kissing her forhead "I'm not letting go."


	6. Adoption is for keeps

**An- Thank you for all the positive feedback! I know the last chapter was a depressing one. I don't think you can get the diagnosis of cancer without it being depressing. To the guest who told me I can't let Lena die, going through this, I think killing her would kill a little bit of me. Not going to happen (I don't think), though I did give my daughter the permission to finish the story if something happens to me (the things my daughter asks for...) so at that point it's out of my hands. Someone asked for a chapter centered around the kids. I've been planning on it for a few chapters, though I'm having a hard time with it. I hate to think of my babies going through this. And I never feel like I can get Jesus' and Brandon's character right (and I don't like Brandon... that's why he always lives with his dad in my stories, except him as a little kid.) But, that is this chapter. It will focus more on the kids, especially Callie and Jude. **

_When you need to cry I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes._

"Callie? Where are you going? there is still 30 minutes of school," Timothy called as Callie jumped out of her seat in English class, running out of the classroom. Five minutes later she found herself walking on the beach, letting the tail end of the ocean surround her bare feet as she looked out in the ocean, letting her mind wander back a month to the adoption party. She was sitting on the beach with the girls and Cole from the group home, talking and laughing when Mom and Momma came up behind her and picked her up by her arms and legs, walking knee high in the ocean before tossing her in, screaming and laughing the whole way. She had pulled Momma under at the same time Jude ran in and jumped on Mom's back, causing her to loose her balance. What she would love at the moment was a picture of that second, as they all came up, sputtering and laughing.

"Couldn't stay in class either?" Came a voice, causing her to turn, blinking her eyes. Marianna walked over to her and stared out of the water in a sundress, her hair pulled back and a pair of dark sunglasses covering her eyes. Callie could guess the glasses were more to cover red eyes than to protect from the sun. 8 months ago Callie couldn't stand Marianna. Things slowely started to change, she liked having a sister.

"I couldn't listen to Timothy," Callie said as she watched the rythmic waves "Couldn't sit and write what he wanted us to."

"What was the assignment?" Marianna asked as she folded her arms around her stomach.

"To write about our biggest fears." Marianna stayed quiet for a minute and Callie wrapped her arm around Marianna's back, running her thumb against the fabric of her side when she felt the tiny shudders of Marrianna trying not to cry.

"Do you think she's going to die?" Marianna asked finally.

"I don't know," Callie answered, pulling Mari in for a quick hug before she started walking back so they could sit on the beach without getting wet. She was surprised to see Jude standing at the grass of the edge of the beach, motioning him over when he looked hesitant, "Why aren't you in class?" she asked as her sat beside her.

"I told my teacher I had to use the bathroom," Jude said as he pressed into her side, pulling both arms around her, "We were just having free time and I didn't want to have to sit and talk to Conner about some stupid video game."

"You could always tell him what's going on with Momma, it might make you feel better to talk to a friend about it," Callie suggested, but Jude shook his head feircely.

"No, I don't want to talk to anyone but you and my family," Jude said as he hid under Callie's arm. Callie was somewhat surrised to feel how big he was, trying to hide, he hadn't had to do it in almost a year, and the fit wasn't comfortable anymore.

"Marianna?" Came a voice, making them all turn, Zac was standing behind them "Are you ok?" He asked as she looked up at him.

"Go, on, go talk to a friend, or just feel normal for a little while," Callie murmered to her as she held Jude in her arms. Marianna nodded and walked off towards the vollyball field.

"What will happen if Momma dies?" Jude asked as he stayed in Callie's arms.

"What do you mean?" Callie asked as she petted his head quietly.

"Mom can't take care of four kids by herself, and they haven't had us that long. Will she get rid of us?"

"No," Callie said forcefully, but wasn't too sure herself "Mom wouldn't do that, Mom loves you too much to send you away."

"What about you? Would she send you away, I'm not staying if you don't get to," Jude said frantically, tears filling his eyes as he looked up.

"Mom's not sending us anywhere," Callie assured him but felt her heart drop. Making a quick decision she motioned for him to get up before standing up herself, brushing the sand off of her backside "Come on," She said as she started walking.

"Where are we going?" Jude asked as he walked beside her.

"We're going to go see Mom and Momma and see how Momma is doing. And you're going to talk to Mom about what will happen if Momma dies."

"Callie, you have therapy and I have tutoring," Jude said as he looked conflicted between seeing Lena and doing what he was told.

"Mom would want to know what you're worried about, I need to talk to Mom too, I'll tell them it was my idea," she promised as she opened the car door and got in the drivers seat, immediatly being brought back to Momma sitting in the passanger's seat, teaching her. She closed her eyes to get the vision out of her eyes as she started the car, for an hour she drove aimlessly as Jude staired out the window. She didn't want to face Stef and ask her this question.

It was five when they finally pulled into the hospital, taking a deep breath as she got out and held her hand out for Jude who seemed planted outside the car, unmoving, "Come on, Baby," She said as she took his hand, leading him in and finding the service desk, getting her Momma's room. Getting in the elevator Callie leaned against one wall as Jude jumped up and sat on a railing. She was shocked when the elevator stopped on the third floor and they came face to face with their Mom, looking exsausted. A cup of coffee in one hand, a wrapped sandwitch in the other.

"I told Mike to bring you kids at 7:30," Stef said as she rubbed a hand over her mouth "What are you guys doing here so early? And where is everyone else? And care to explain why you guys aren't at tutoring and therapy?" she asked a little harsher then she meant to.

"It was my idea," Callie said quickly as she saw Jude lower his head.

"Callie, Love, you have to do to therapy, we all agreed, yes?" she asked as she looked over at Callie, mentally kicking herself when she saw the fear and saddness in Callie's eyes.

"I know, Mom, I'm sorry," She said as she looked over at Jude "We need to talk to you about something important though."

"Well, come on, let's go to Momma's room and we can all talk," she said as the doors opened to the 6th floor.

"Ummm, can we talk without Momma," Callie asked. She didn't know how well it would go over with Lena to be talking about arrangments after her death, espiecally if Stef didn't think she could handle all the kids and they'd have to move.

"Ok," Stef said slowly "Let me just tell Momma so she isn't worried about me being gone so long. Go sit in the waiting room, we can talk in there," she said, pointing to a small corner of the waiting area where there was a small gathering of chairs. Jude sat next to Callie, staring off into space as Callie's leg vibrated with nervous energy.

"Alright, Babies, what is this about?" Stef asked as she sat in a chair in front of her two kids.

"Go on, Baby, ask her," Callie said gently when Jude made no acnowledgment of their mom's presence, sighing when he wouldn't speak. "Jude wants to know what is going to happen if Momma dies," Callie said as she looked at the ground, refusing to meet her mom's eyes.

"We try and live life as best as we can," Stef answered tiredly, "we try and get through it. But there's a chance she's going to live you guys," she said as she took one of Jude's hands.

"Are you gonna send us away?" Jude asked quietly, daring a glance up.

"I don't understand, Bud," stef said with a confused expression, "what do you mean send you away?"

"Send us to another family," Callie answered for him. She was tired of this, the dodging the question and answer.

"Look you guys," Stef said as she placed a hand on each of their knees "We are a family. Me and Momma adopted you," she said as she looked at her two children "That means we are here, we are a _family _through everything."

"But you didn't plan on Momma getting cancer," Jude said as he looked up at her "There's too many kids to take care of by yourself."

"Baby, I have 5 kids, I chose each one of you. What did I tell you, Callie Girl, at Grandpa's funeral?"

"That you have 5 seperate hearts running outside of you," Callie murmered.

"That's right, that doesn't change if something happens to Momma, if anything, it strengthens it. I will _always _love you both. You both are mine and Momma's babies and that will never change, do you understand?" She asked as she raised Jude's chin to look at her "I will always love you and you are not allowed to leave me unless it's to go off to college." Jude nodded "Good, go see Momma, try and convince her to eat a few bites of her dinner if you can, mister. You have her wrapped around your finger." she chuckled, pulling him into a hug.

"Love you, Mom," Jude said into her chest.

"I love you too, JUde, more than you could ever know," Stef whispered, kissing the top of his head "Now go cheer your Momma up." Callie went to stand up but Stef put her hand on her leg, "You on the other hand... you still think something is going to happen," Stef said matter a factly looking into Callie's eyes.

"I'm fine," Callie said, crossing her arms.

"Callie Girl, level with me here," Stef sighed "I hate to tell you this but the neuteral face and body language doesn't work on me. You are creepily amazing at hiding all emotion until I look in your eyes. I hate to say this, Love, but your eyes are a direct window to your soul."

"Is she going to die?" Callie asked finally "What did the tests say?"

Stef cleared her throat and closed her eyes, a muscle on her face twitching slightly "She has cancer in her breasts and liver. SHe will have something called a mdified radical mastectomy the day after tomorrow. Basically they will remove both breasts and part of the muscle from her chest wall and under her arms, then they'll start chemotherapy and radiation."

"Is she going to die?" Callie asked again, a little angrier, she hated her mom at the moment for not answering her question.

"I don't know," Stef said in a cracked voice "She has a 34% chance of making it, Love."

"It's not fair!" Callie jumped up and started running, she didn't know where she was going but couldn't sit there and watch the strongest woman she _ever_ knew start to crumble. She was half way down the hall when she felt arms grab her around her middle and pull her to the ground, momentarily paralized with surprise when she found herself in her mom's arms. SHe was even more surprised to see the tears falling down her Mom's face.

"You're right," Stef choked out after a second "It's not fair, it's not fair to you and Jude who already lost one mom, it's not fair to your brothers and sister, it's not fair to me, and it's deffinately not fair to Momma. Momma has the biggest heart I have ever known," Stef whispered leaning her forhead perpendicular to Callie's shoulder, resting it on her shoulder blade, "I wish it was me and not her. I wish I could save her, I wish I believed in god so I had some imaginarry Santa that I could pray her better. But all I can do is watch her suffer and hope that I still have the love of my life in a few months."

"Mom," Callie said to try to stop the rambling that was getting nowhere and only making Stef more upset, "Mom, please," She said again through tears, turning so that she was sitting on one of Stef's legs and nestled against Stef's shoulder, Stef resting her forhead on the top of Callie's head "Please just tell me you won't send me away. That even if Momma dies I'll have a family, please."

"Baby, ofcourse you will. I don't know what I'd do without you," Stef said as she tried to regain her composer "I'm sorry I freaked out, Baby," Stef said as she tried to wipe her eyes and smooth Callie's hair back at the same time "But I promise you. I chose you for a reason. I chose you because you have a huge heart, you remind everyone of your stuborn Mom, and I don't know what I would do without you," she said as she moved Callie's face so she could look at her "But I'll tell you the same thing I told Brandon, you don't get to run when you're upset. Do you understand me?" Callie nodded "Good, now let's go see how Jude and Momma are doing," Stef smiled, running her thumb under each of Callie's eyes.

Standing, Callie slipped her hand in Stef's, squeezing tighter as they got closer to the hospital room. When she opened the door, Stef smiled, Jude was sitting on the end of the bed teling an animated story, and even though Lena looked tired she wore a smile, nibbling slightly on the food she had refused to touch earlier, "So we heard Jesus screaming from your room and floor was covered in bubbles," Jude was saying, miming with his hands.

"And this is why Jesus isn't allowed to do laundry anymore," Lena smiled.

"What did Jesus do?" Stef asked as she sat on the chair beside the bed.

"Our son had flooded the laundry room after pouring in half a bottle of detergant a few months back," Lena laughed "Somehow the kids all got it cleaned up before we got home."

"I thought we were keeping that a secret, Jude," Callie laughed.

"It got Momma to eat," Jude shrugged.

Lena looked up at Callie, she looked emotionally drained, and Stef looked like she had been crying, "Come sit by me," Lena smiled, patting the spot next to her and watched as Calie hesitantly sat beside her, "Don't I get a hug?" Lena said as she pulled Callie closer to her before looking in her eyes, "Mom told you," She said softly as she saw the look of worry and fear in Callie's eyes, who just nodded, "Well then you know I need lots of extra hugs and snuggles," Lena said as she pulled Callie against her chest, holding her tightly as Stef kept Jude busy with a card game, keeping him distracted from the interaction of Callie and Lena, "You know, Brandon plays piano, you play guitar, but did you know that I sing?" Lena smiled down at Callie who shook her head, "do you want to hear the song that always makes me think of you?" Lena asked, hoping to distract her, smiling when Callie nodded peacefully, laying them both back she played with Callie's hair, softly singing the song that played through her mind many times through the months where Callie fought an affection or _i_dea that she might be a part of this family.

_"When the rain is blowing in your face,_  
_And the whole world is on your case,_  
_I could offer you a warm embrace_  
_To make you feel my love._

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear,_  
_And there is no one there to dry your tears,_  
_I could hold you for a million years_  
_To make you feel my love."_

Lena smiled at Stef and Jude who were both silent, listening to her sing as she looked down at Callie who seemed calmer than she had since they had heard the news of the cancer.

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet,_  
_But I would never do you wrong._  
_I've known it from the moment that we met,_  
_No doubt in my mind where you belong._

_I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,_  
_I'd go crawling down the avenue._  
_No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do_  
_To make you feel my love._

Lena closed her eyes as Callie breathed evenly. The room in a comfortable silence.

"Do you have a song for me?" Jude asked.

"Ofcourse, I have a song for each of my babies," Lena smiled.

"Will you sing it?" Jude asked and Lena had to laugh,

"Ok, But Mom's gonna have to hold you for this one, I don't think there's much more room on the bed," Lena said as Stef scooted the chair closer to the bed and Jude sat on her lap. A twinge of pain went through her breast and Lena grimaced but continued with singing,

_They didn't have you where I come from_  
_Never knew the best was yet to come_  
_Life began when I saw your face_  
_And I hear your laugh like a serenade_

_How long do you want to be loved_  
_Is forever enough, is forever enough_  
_How long do you want to be loved_  
_Is forever enough_  
_Cause I'm never, never giving you up_

_As you wander through this troubled world_  
_In search of all things beautiful_  
_You can close your eyes when you're miles away_  
_And hear my voice like a serenade_

_How long do you want to be loved_  
_Is forever enough, is forever enough_  
_How long do you want to be loved_  
_Is forever enough_  
_Cause I'm never, never giving you up_

After the song the room was wrapped in a thick silence. She always thought of the song as one because Jude always seemed to loose the people he loved, not that she might not be able to love him forever. Though she also saw it as a promise, to do whatever she could to stay with him. After a few minutes of silence, Stef realized Jude had fallen asleep on her and she quietly moved him to the small recliner that a nurse had brought in for her to sleep on. Lena's eyes were closed, but Callie's here wide open, staring at mer Momma's features. Stef wasn't sure if Lena was asleep or not.

A nurse came in and gave Lena another dose of pain medication, smiling at the family. Stef was glad the last one was gone. She was a bitch. It wasn't until 7:15, 45 minutes later that Stef started to get Callie and Jude up, Jude from his nap, and Callie, just getting her off the bed where she had seemed to cement herself to her Momma's side.

By 7:50 Stef could tell Lena was exsausted, and truthfully she was too. THey played a game of cards around the bed to pass the time. When a nurse came in and said visiting time was over Stef hurded the kids and Mike out, pulling Callie aside quickly, "Callie. I just wanted to say that we love you so much, and we are so lucky to have you as a daughter," Stef said, causing Callie to smile. Stef had thought of asking Callie to step up, but the look in Callie's eyes caused Stef to think that might actually break her, and she knew that Callie did it instinctively. There had been remarks that suggested that there had been something that happened between Callie and Marianna, "keep an eye on Jude for me, please," Stef said softly, "I worry about him, and it doesn't sound like we'll be going home soon."

"I always do, Mom," Callie smiled sadly.

Stef smiled pulling Callie into a hug and kissing her temple "I know you do."


	7. start of a journey

**Here is the next chapter you guys :). I hope you like it. I'm glad you guys liked the last one. I'm rather annoyed at a nurse that glares at me and my Love whenever she holds me so... she's kind of made her way into the story. I've gotten a few complaints of various kinds and I just want to ask you guys to remember that I am rather sick. Please point out if I made a mistake, but please don't do it in a rude way. If I type "Lesus" insead of "Jesus" you can always mention it, but there's no reason to put me down for it. Also, in writing messages back. I apreciate every single one of your well wishes and prayers, but please understand my eldest daughter and Partner check this account and I might miss a message. And sometimes I'm just not up to writing someone back that day.**

_When you feel lost and scared to death, like you can't take one more step, just take my hand together we can do it._

"I forget how many kids we have," Lena laughed slightly as she closed her eyes, pressing the call button as she leaned into Stef's arms, "They can be tiring when they're all together. I don't think I caught half of what was going on."

"Do me a favor, don't say that in front of Callie and Jude," Stef said as she ran the flat of her hand in small circles across Lena's stomach, she couldn't figure out how she could have missed the swelling of it (and Lena's breast) in the last week, and knew Lena had been and was in more pain than she would admit.

"Are you going to tell me what happened between the three of you? Why does Callie know the extent of everything and none of the other kids do?"

Stef sighed, "Callie and Jude thought that if you died I would get rid of them."

"YOu're kidding?" Lena exclaimed as she turned of Stef's arms, knowing Stef wasn't when she saw the look in her eyes, "YOu told them I'm not dying, right?"

"No," Stef said carefully, "I told Jude we didn't think you were going to die and even if you did he was still my baby and he wasn't allowed anywhere until college."

"And Callie?"

"She didn't-" Stef was interupted by a nurse knocking on the door and coming in.

"I'm guessing that call was for your next dose of pain meds?" She asked with a smile, holding a tray.

"Yes, it was, thank you," Lena smiled as Stef quickly untangled herself so the nurse could do her job.

"You guys have lovely kids," the nurse commented as she swiped a disinfecting wipe across one of the entrances in the tube "They're all teenagers, right? you guys are brave."

"Yes," Lena smiled, "our youngest, Jude, just turned 13 a few months ago. Our oldest, Brandon, is 17. Callie is 16 and The twins, Jesus and Marianna are 15."

"How long have you guys had them, if you don't mind me asking? My sister and her partner just adopted a little girl. Katie, she's 2 years old"

"Well, Brandon's biologically mine," Stef said "We adopted the twins 6 years ago when they were 9, and we adopted Callie and Jude 5 weeks ago."

"Wow, not very long ago," THe nurse commented, "They seem like sweet kids. Especailly the two that came to visit first."

"That would be Callie and Jude," Stef smiled.

"Callie obviously loves you both very much, I'm all done here." She said as she pulled the gloves off her hands, "Is there anything else you need?"

"No, I think I'm good, thank you," Lena smiled as Stef crawled back on the bed.

"Ther are counceling options, if you or the kids need it," the nurse commented as she walked out.

"Ok, what does she know that I don't," Lena asked.

"She must have saw Callie's freak out," stef muttered as she pulled Lena against her, stroking her hair.

"Yes, you were going to tell me about Miss Callie," Lena said as she felt the morphine wash over her, dulling the ache of her chest and stomach.

"After I talked to them together and Jude came to see you, I kept Callie, she was obviously still upset. She kept asking what did the tests say and were you going to die."

"And you told her the truth," Lena stated more than asked.

"I tried to keep it as simple as possible. Explained the surgery and that you would have chemo and radiation. But she just got more and more upset. And just kept asking if you were going to die. So I told her the truth, that you had a 34% chance of making it."

"And..." Lena asked, as she sensed there was something Stef wasn't telling her.

"And she tried to bolt, so I tackled her to the ground and held her until she calmed down."

"You tackled her?!" Lena asked surprised.

"Love, what else was I supposed to do. I couldn't let Callie just run out of the hospital. It was the first thing I thought of. SHe fought me for a second and then let me hold her. Lena, she's letting us comfort her. Yeah, the circumstances of her letting us are horrid, but at least she's letting us."

"You're right," Lena murmered, "you did the right thing."

"What did you just say? Can I get that it writing?" Stef laughed softly, kissing Lena's temple a few times.

"Can you put on a movie?"

"Sure, what do you want to watch, My Love?" Stef smiled.

"I don't care," Lena said as she brought her hand up and rubbed it over her face before resting it on Stef's chest.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stef and Lena fell asleep holding eachother. It wasn't until 10 pm nurse changing that Stef woke up so they could take Lena's vitals, yet again. She would never understand why it had to be done so often. At that point she curled up on the recliner with her laptop, writing e-mails to her captian. There was no way she was going to leave Lena for work, and new there was some type of paid leave for a spouse being deadly ill. Thank god for their marriage, she thought. Closing her laptop she settled into a restless sleep. The recliner was horrid and she couldn't help think of her bed at home, laying on her back as Lena curled up on her side.

At five in the morning she woke to a nurse slipping a blood preasure cuff on Lena's arm, who's eyes were tightly shut, "You ok, My Love?" Stef asked as she shot to Lena's other side, stroking her thumb across Lena's forhead, sighing when Lena nodded through clentched teeth, "Take a few deep breathes, Love," She whispered, "And I'm sure this lovely nurse will get you something for the pain," she said as she looked up and met eyes with athe nurse that had been there the previous morning.

"I can get you something soon," the nurse said flipantly as she took Lena's temp and wrote everything down, "I will be back, your doctor will be making morning rounds in an hour or so."

"What's hurting, Love?" Stef asked as she got on the bed and gathered Lena into her arms. rocking her slightly in her arms.

"stomach," Lena murmered against Stef's neck, taking Stef's hand and placing it on her lower stomach. Stef softly rubbed the swollen flesh as she held Lena in her arms,

"It feels tighter than last night, Baby," Stef murmered as she gently massaged it, when Lena cringed Stef let her hand wander down and around, lightly rubbing Lena's butt to try and soothe her. THe minstration that used to help calm her seemed to only help a little, Lena's body caught between trying to relax and being tight with pain. As the nurse walked back in 10 minutes later Stef moved to the opisite side of the bed than Lena's IV, keeping a hand running gently across her stomach while laying small kisses to her temple, ignoring the look she got from the nurse "She's in a lot of pain, I'm not going to leave her, I won't get in your way though," Stef said as she left her lips pressed to Lena's forhead, whispering nonsense in her ear.

The nurse made it obvious she wasn't looking at the two of them while she inserted a dose of pain medication into the IV, "you know where the call button is if you need anything," she said as she turned to go.

"Actually, I would like someone to look at her stomach. It was swollen when she got here but it's getting worse and causing her a lot of pain."

"That could me a lot of things. I'll write it down for the doctor to address," the nurse said as she looked looked at it, "But the pain meds should help."

"Thank you," Lena murmered as she let herself rest into Stef's chest, holding her tightly.

"It should just take a minute for it to help," Stef said softly as she kissed Lena's forhead, "and then you'll feel better."

"It's helping some," Lena said as she curled as best she could without causing more pain.

"I'm glad, My Love."

"Can we put on some music?"

"Of course, are you tired?" Stef asked as she pulled the laptop to her and opened their itunes.

"No, I just want to snuggle until the doctor gets here," Lena said as she turned onto her other side as Stef started some music, looking over she was a little surprised.

"Wanting to be a little spoon," Stef smiled as she pulled Lena's middle closer to her as she tangled one leg inbetween Lena's, running her hand up and down her side, "usually you want to be the big spoon, I like this," Stef said as she kissed Lena's temple, who just nodded, "I love you, you know that, that I love you and you are beautiful, yes?" she asked as she gently rubbed up and down Lena's sternum, resting her chin on Lena's shoulder when she just nodded. Stef hated the silence between them. She knew that Lena had to fight her internal struggle on her own, she just wished she could end it all for her wife. They sat in silence for 30 minutes before the doctor walked in.

"How are you doing this morning, Lena?" he asked as Stef scooted off the bed to set on the chair.

"Alright, my stomach has been hurting a lot," Lena said as she sat up some. The doctor gently examined her stomach for a few minutes before looking up at them.

"Ok, Lena, what I think this is is ascites, pretty much what it is is fluid building up in your abdomen. With the mass in your liver it is not working properly. The mass causes the blood vessels around it to expand and they excrete fluid into your abdomen."

"So what can we do about it?" Lena asked with a grimance.

"Well, I was thinking, for now maybe we should try a ascites tap. Basically we would numb your abdomin with a local anithetic and insert a needle that will drain the fluid in a few hours. That will help for the next couple of days. Hopefully once we start chemo the fluid will lessen, and if not we can think of a more perminate situation."

"Ok, when would we do this?" Lena asked as she ran her hand sunconciously over her stomach.

"I'm going to go talk to the ultrasound technichian, it'll happen in the next hour or so. Is there any other questions of concerns."

"Umm, yeah, the surgery tomorrow. What... I mean how...," Lena tried to ask.

"A plastic surgion will come in soon, and what they'll do is take a marker and map out the incision lines. Tomorrow morning you should be going into surgery around 9. We'll do it before the ascites tap since we would want you to be sitting so we can see the way your breasts sit naturally, and you're not going to want to sit up for a while after the tap is placed."

"Ok," Lena said as she took a deep breathe.

"If that is all, I will go see about scheduling a ultrasound technision to come so we can do the ascites tap."

"Yeah," Lena said with a slight shake of her head "I don't have anymore questions.

"Alright, just hit the call button if you need anything," the doctor said warmly as he walked out.

"You alright, Love," Stef asked as Lena's set face. Lena just nodded, "Breakfast plates are coming soon, are you hungry?" She asked as she sat on the end of the bed, taking Lena's foot and massaging it gently. Lena shook her head,

"I'm not hungry," She muttered as she leaned back, she didn't pull back from Stef's actions, Stef figured that was a start.

"You have to eat at least a little, My Love."

"Stefanie, my stomach is killing me, I'm nausious, I'm about to have a needle stuck in it and you're chastizing me about eating?"

"Ok, full name," Stef sighed, "Lena, I'm worried about you. I'm sorry you are having so much trouble, Love, you know I would take it from you if I could. But you'll get sicker if you don't eat."

"I know," Lena said with a huff.

"Sing me a song?" Stef asked when Lena looked up at the ceiling, chuckling when Lena looked at her with a confused expression.

"You won't talk to me, and I figured you seem so calm when you sing, plus I love listening to your voice," Stef smiled softly. Lena thought for a moment before singing,

_Met an old man yesterday_  
_Next to me on a westbound plane_  
_He said "I was married sixty years_  
_I swear it feels like she's still here."_  
_Then he took out a picture_

_Staring at that black and white_  
_The tears filled up in his eyes_  
_I said "You were a lucky man."_  
_He said "I feel like I still am."_

_When he told me her name_  
_I heard myself say... _

_I wanna be Somebody's Chelsea_  
_Somebody's world_  
_Somebody's day and night_  
_One and only girl_  
_A part of a love story_  
_That never has an end_  
_You know that's what every woman wants to be_  
_Somebody's Chelsea_

_He made me laugh when he talked about_  
_Their first date and her father's doubts_  
_He said "Even as her hair turned gray, _  
_She still took my breath away."_  
_And that it never changed with time_  
_That's when I closed my eyes_

_I wanna be Somebody's Chelsea_  
_Somebody's world_  
_Somebody's day and night_  
_One and only girl_  
_A part of a love story_  
_That never has an end_  
_You know that's what every woman wants to be_  
_Somebody's Chelsea_

"That was beautiful, Love, you know you already have that, yes?"

Lena nodded with a small smile "I fell in love with the song about a month after I broke up with Gretchen." Stef laid next to Lena as Lena stayed quiet, the breakfast tray came and went and within an hour a new man was knocking on the door.

"Hey you guys," He said as he opened the door, "I'm Doctor Bissonette, I am the plastic surgion who will be helping preform your surgery tomorrow."

"Hello," Lena said thickly as she held tightly to Stef's hand.

"So, all I'm going to do is make the marks on your breasts to help us do the surgery tomorrow, if that's alright."

Lena nodded, "Ok, so I'm going to need you to remove your top, would you like me to leave while you do that?" he asked.

"No, it's fine," Lena said, though thankful when he turned his back, messing with something as Stef helped eased the loose t-shirt over her head. Leaning her head down she kissed right above Lena's left breast. Remembering the words from the night before about treating it like it was the plague.

WHen Stef went to move out of the way Lena's instinct was to cover her chest. She couldn't remember any man ever seeing her breasts, but when she folded her arms across them the preasure hurt so she grabbed both of Stef's hands tightly, Stef raised them and kissed her knuckles. When Bissonette turned around with a marker uncapped Lena's stomach muscles contracted, making her jerk back some, "I'm sorry Lena, but you can't be squeezing your wife's hands, we need to make sure your as natural as possible." Lena nodded and reluctantly let go. Stef thought before walking around to the other side of the bed, gently running small circles in the small of Lena's back as Lena sat with her legs dangling off the side of the bed, trying not to cringe as he poked and stretched skin, making an eye shaped mark on her breast around her nipple and the dark skin around it, from each of the ends he drew lines, one to under her arm and the other to the dip between her breasts, then from the top of the shape he drew a line half way up her breast before doing the same thing to the other.

"So, these are the lines we are going to do," Bissonette said as he pointed to the marks, "Because of the stage of the cancer, we can't do reconstruction right away. But if you would like after you are done with treatment you can have your breasts reconstructed."

"What will that do?" Lena asked harshly, "It won't bring the feeling or anything else back."

"No it won't," Bissonette said. If he was surprised at the outburst he didn't show it "THough sometimes it boosts self confidence, to be able to have the same look of them. It's an option. it's not something you have to decide right now," he said gently "If that is all, I will let you rest and see you tomorrow morning." Stef was surprised to see Lena get off the bed and go into the bathroom, shutting the door harshly.

"Thank you," Stef said, not sure what to make of Lena's outburst.

"It's fine," Bissonette said gently "THis isn't an easy thing. And I'm the one basically removing her breasts, she's bound to get upset." He said as he left.

"Love?" Stef called from outside the bathroom, knocking lightly, "He's gone."

"fine," Came Lena's voice.

"You want to come out, Love?"

"No!"

"Can you let me in?"

"Leave me alone Stefanie." Lena sighed. Stef stood a moment longer trying to figure out what the best thing to do was.

"I'm going to get a cup of coffee and give you a few minutes. Do you want one?" She asked, hoping the coffee would both entice her to drink a little and get er out of the bathroom.

"Please."

"I'll be back in ten minutes, Baby," Stef said as she grabbed her wallet and walked out feel helpless. Lena was shutting her out and she didn't know what to do about it. She took a few minutes to text her babies and make sure each one was alright and making sure Mike had a handle on everything. Her mother was supposed to be coming down in the next couple of days also. Walking back in the room Stef smiled softly when she saw Lena out of the bathroom, curled up with a movie, "here you are my Love," Stef said as she handed her the drink, taking a sip of her own.

"They're going to be here in 20 minutes to do the tap thing," Lena said as she took a drink of Coffee, avoiding Stef's gaze.

"THat's good, you'll be out of pain sooner, and maybe you can get down some lunch," Stef said as she sat down on the chair.

"You can't be in here when they do it," Lena said softly, looking at the cup.

"What?"

"They said you would have to leave when they do it," Lena said only above a whisper.

"Oh, Love," Stef murmered, running her hand down Lena's cheek, "It'll be ok, they'll do the ultrasound, numb the skin, make a very small cut and then stick the needle and tube in, stitch a couple stitches around it so it stays in place then you'll be all done and I'll be back in the room," Stef said braver than she felt, taking Lena's hand and running her thumb across the knuckles. Lena looked up at her and Stef's heart broke at the look of pure trust.

"Ok," she whispered.

"Do you want me to hold you until I have to leave?" She asked gently, smiling when Lena nodded. setting her drink down she scooted into bed, holding Lena close to her as she stoked Lena's head.

An hour later Stef was sitting back in the room, watching as Lena slept. She was awake for the procedure but the emotional morning drained her. Stef watched the little tube sticking out from her love's stomach as a container caught yellow liquid that was coming out. It made Stef queezy to think that that was what was causing Lena so much pain. The doctor had said in 3 or 4 hours they should be able to take it out, she prayed it would be out before her babies came to visit. She could't have them snuggling with Lena or really even have them on the bed incase they dislodged it. She hoped for her babies' sake they could have one more night before they started that.


	8. together

**AN- Hello everyone, it being 2 days since my last chemo, (get it again tomorrow) I'm having an alright day. Wrote a new chapter in my newest story "Adding fosters". Gabby asked when I was adding a new chapter to "Lena Finds Out". I have it sorted out in my head, I'll get in the next couple of days. I keep starting it and them stopping it. **

_I'm gonna love you through it. _

Lena laid snuggled in Stef's chest. It was 6pm and they were waiting for their babies to come and visit. They removed the astice tap and though her stomach ached a little it was nothing compaired to the last two days. She even managed a few bite of lunch and dinner, though now she was waiting for her kids. She missed them.

She grinned when she saw Mike walk through the door, thinking it was probably the first time she was glad to see him. Even if it was because with seeng him meant she got to see her children. Directly behind him was Brandon with his arms crossed over his chest who gave her a smile and hugged her softly, "Careful of Momma's side," Stef said gently, "She had to have stitches in it."

Brandon retracked slightly but held on to Lena when she pulled him closer. Looking back up she wasn't surprised to see Jude latched onto Callie, burrying his head under her shoulder, but she was surprised to see Marianna half a step behind her, if Callie stopped suddenly Marianna would have crashed into her. Next to Marianna stood Jesus who quickly hugged Lena before sitting on the window sill, "Obviously there are two people in desperate need of Mama snuggles," Stef smiled softly to Jude and Marianna as she got off the bed and Callie gently pushed them in that direction. Jude scrambled onto one side of the bed where he wrapped his arms around his Momma's neck and hid his face into her hair like someone would much younger than him,

"Hey, Buddy," Lena said softly as she held on to him tightly for a minute and kissed his cheek as he settled against her side. Marianna sat on the other side and drew her knees up to her chest, "Hey, Miss. Thing, don't I get a hug?" She asked as she held her other arm out for her and Marianna fell into it, "See, that's much better," she smiled kissing the top of Marianna's head.

Callie dropped into the chair next to Stef and pulled her arms around her middle. Stef took a moment to look at her. She had bags under her eyes, and her hair and clothes rumpled. She was tired, Stef could tell by the way every few seconds she ran her finger up and down the bridge of her nose. Stef looked around at the rest of her kids, Jesus and Brandon with Mike, Marianna and Jude with Lena before she wrapped her arm around Callie's shoulder, kissing her temple when she tensed for a moment and then relaxed slightly, but still tried to hold herself together. Stef thought for a second before taking Callie's hand, "Will you guys be ok for a half hour or so so me and Callie can go grab everyone a soda?" Stef asked.

"I can do it for you," Mike piped in.

"Thanks for the offer, Mike, but we got it. Will you be ok, Love? My Babies?" she asked to Lena and the kids. Lena looked confused for a moment, she didn't usually let her kids drink soda but one look at Callie told her that Stef wanted to check in with her. The all nodded and the two teenage boys took over their chairs as Stef pulled lead Callie by the hand.

"Where are we going?" Callie asked as Stef pulled her down the hallway.

"Stay right here for a moment, Baby," Stef said as she spotted the nurse from last night. Callie watched as her mom spoke quietly to the nurse before coming back and wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her down a hall. a couple minutes later Stef found the small secluded area that was usually reserved for family members of unconcious patients to speak to doctors, but because of the time of the evening was deserted. She was also happy when she saw one of the recliner/beds in the corner. Going over to it she sat down before pulling Callie on her lap, "How are you holding up, Baby Girl? Jude and your sister seem to have become glued to you." She said softly as she wrapped an arm tightly around Callie, hoping to entice her to relax.

"Fine," Callie said as she tried to sit up, rubbing a hand over her eyes.

"Hey, use your words, Please," Stef said as she held on, running one hand up and down Callie's back, rubbing circles down her spine, "It's ok not to be Fine. I'm not, I'm stressed and tired and worried," she said, hoping to get Callie to open up.

Callie gave in to her Mom's minstrations and rested heavily on her chest, curling into herself, "They keep asking if she's going to be ok, and I say yes but I don't believe it." Callie said with a sigh, "Once Jude finally fell asleep Marianna wouldn't stop crying and it took me laying in her bed rubbing her back for an hour or so for her to fall asleep and then around 3 in the morning Jude woke up with a nightmare about our mom," Callie surprised herself by going off, "And I'm worried about Momma and I just want her to be ok. Momma chose me. Momma was the one who saved me from being put in a group home and Made Jude safe and made him feel comfortable about wearing nail polish and told him she would love him if he was gay. I don't know what I would do without her, how Jude would handle her dying," Callie said through tears as Stef rocked her and whispered nothingness into her ear.

"Hey, listen to me Baby Girl. I want to thank you for taking care of your brother and sister, but you should have told someone, or called me and Momma that you were so upset," she said as let her hand go under Callie's shirt, using the heel of her hand and pressing up one side of her spine and down the other, "I'm sorry you're so worried. I am too. But I promise you, Momma's a strong person. She's not giving up without a fight. She'll wake up from surgery tomorrow."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Callie momebled.

"Oh?" Stef asked softly.

"No, it's Momma doing Chemo and radiation and what'd going to happen with her liver."

"I know, Sweets, but we just got to trust Momma's stronger than the cancer."

Callie sat in her Mom's embrace for a while, trying to calm herself back down, rubbing her finger over her nose as her mom rubbed her back and held her tightly to her. When Stef had noticed it had been over 40 minutes she kissed Callie's temple,

"Ready to head back, Callie Girl?" She asked, looking down and seeing Callie stare off into space. Slowly she nodded, "alright, let's get everyone a soda and get back there so we can all talk before you guys have to head home," Stef said as she gently pressed on Callie's shoulders to get her to stand. Wrapping an arm around Callie's shoulders she led her to a soda machine where they got Sprites for everyone.

"You want my spot?" Jude asked when he saw Callie walk in, sitting up some.

"You're alright, Baby," Callie said but Stef pushed on her lower back a little.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Buddy, why don't you come sit with me and drink your soda I brought you?" She asked as she started passing drinks around.

Callie slipped into one side of the bed wrapping her arm around her Momma's stomach and relaxing into her as Lena held her back, wrapping her arm tightly around Callie, "Hi, Babe," She smiled as she kissed Callie's forhead, "You doing alright?" she asked when Callie reached up and rubbed the tip of her nose.

Callie nodded, "I'll be alright, Momma" she said softly, smiling up at Lena.

"Thank you for watching over my Sweet boy and Miss. Thing," Lena said, kissing her forhead, "You're a good big sister."

"Alright you guys," Stef said as she sat with Jude standing beside her, leaning into her side, "Tomorrow morning Momma goes into surgery around 10:30, they'll start prepping her at 9. You guys can come around 11, alright?" she asked looking around, "It'll be about 1:30 when Momma's out of surgery and another hour or so before we can visit. If you would like to go to school and come visit after, I think that would be a good idea instead of waiting around here all morning. Is there anyone who would like to?" She asked looking at all her kids.

All of the kids shook their heads.

"Alright. When Momma gets out of surgery we have to be really careful. From her neck to her stomach will be really sore and will have just ben stitched up, she will also have a tube coming out of her side at her armpit. They do this during many big surgeries, it helps with infections and draining blood and what not." Stef said, trying to prepare her babies for what they might see, "Momma will also have a breathing mask on like I did, just to help make sure she has enough oxygen. Are there any questions?" she asked to her kids, all who shook their heads.

"Alright my babies, It's about time for you guys to go get some dinner and head towards home," Stef said as she wrapped her arm around Jude and hugged him, "Me and Momma will see you tomorrow, but no leaving until we both get hugs," She said. Stef hugged each of her kids and kissed them before looking each one in the eye and telling them everything would be fine tomorrow. Lena hugged all her kids tightly, a part of her knowing there was a slight chance she wouldn't see them again, though she tried to remember that that was a daily thing, tomorrow was never promised.

That night at hone the AdamsFoster kids slept all together in the living room, the same as when their Mom was shot. Marianna and Jude slept on either side of Callie and the boys each on a couch as Mike dosed on the recliner.

At the hospital Stef and Lena held eachother in silence, each dosing from time to time but awake more than not.


	9. Surgery

**AN- I have to say this was the hardest chapter to write in this story yet. Mostly because it was about the scariest moment in my life. Nothing can prepare you for being told you are about to have a body part removed, especially when they don't really know what they will find. It also forced me to look at how my partner was feeling at that moment. This chapter is also what caused me to write this story, waking up to my daughter paying "I'm gonna love you through it" on her guitar. I didn't do a lot of the kids in this chapter just because it's not something I want to think about with my own babies. **

_She made it through the surgery fine. The doctors caught it just in time. _

Lena stared at the ceiling as tears rolled down the side of her face. Stef, who had been banished from laying with her now that she had been given a block and had ivs and monitors covering her, stood at the head of the hospital bed, having given up wiping away the tears and instead rested her lips against Lena's forhead, kissing her repeatidly, holding one hand tightly in her own. Neither of them had really slept and both were scared, but didn't know how to put it in words. What is there to say? When it might be the last time you see your wife.

"I love you," Stef whispered into the room, cutting through the silence.

"I love you too," Lena whispered bach as she tried to regain her composure.

"You're going to be ok. When you wake up we will all be here," Stef murmered leaning down lower and kissing Lena's lips softly. Lena just nodded as she closed her eyes, "you are going to wake up, because I can't do this without you," Stef said as she kissed her again.

"I don't want you to," Lena said, taking a shakey breathe.

"Love, you will always be beautiful to me, this isn't going to change that, it's not going to change how much I love you or care about you, or want to spend the rest of my life with, you know this, yes?" she asked in a desperate whisper.

"I know," Lena said softly.

"Those seditives they gave you should be making you feel sleepy, Love," Stef said as she ran the back of her and up and down Lena's face.

"They are, but I don't want to sleep," She said as she looked up at Stef, taking her hand.

"Hey, Love, close your eyes," Stef whispered as she moved so she was sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing Lena's arm, "I'm right here. You'll probably wake up for one second when they move you from your bed to the operating table, they'll put a mask on your face and you'll fall right back asleep. Then when you wake up it'll all be over and I'll be waiting, ok?"

"Promise?" Lena asked softly as she reached her arms out for Stef, "You'll be here?"

"Ofcourse, Love, I'll be here when you open those beautiful eyes," She said as she enveloped Lena in a hug before gently laying her back on the bed, "Close your eyes, Love," Stef whispered as Lena's eyes darted around the room. Lena did as Stef told her and closed her eyes, smiling softly when she heard Stef's soft singing, something she rarely ever did.

The next thing she knew she opened her eyes to her bed rolling into a room and a few people picking up a sheet that was under her and lifting her onto a hard table, looking up she saw a woman standing above her and putting a mask over her face, "Ok, Lena, I want you to count backwards from ten for me," she said as she placed a mask over her face. Lena looked around and saw a bunch of people as she counted _10, 9, 8, 7, 6..._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Stef wasn't all to shocked when she went into the operating waiting room to find Callie sitting on one of the chairs, her guitar in hand.

"It's not 11 yet," Stef said as she sat down beside Callie.

"I know," Callie said with a sigh, "But I couldn't sit at the house anymore. Jesus went to school and said he'd be here after wrestling practice. I think he just couldn't stand waiting here that long. Marianna and Jude will be here soon with Mike. I just- needed out of the house. I brought you coffee," she said, handing her mom a Dutch Brother's coffee cup.

Stef took a long sip of it, "Thank you, Love. This is much better than the crap they have here."

"I also thought you might not want to be alone. I know you said it was fine but... I don't know." Callie shrugged.

"You're right," Stef said as she reached her hand out and offered it to Callie, "I think this is the only ime I am happy you didn't listen to me," she said as Callie took her hand and they sat in silence.

"Marianna and Jude are bringing a couple board games, but I brought a deck of cards, if you want to try and keep your mind off of things," Callie said in a questioning voice.

"Maybe in a little bit," Stef said as Callie scooted next to her and Stef wrapped an arm around her as she stared off into space.

"Momma's gonna be fine," Callie said after a few minutes, making Stef smile softly and kiss her temple.

"That she is," Stef replied, laying her cheek against Callie's head as a news station droaned in the background.

When Marianna and Jude got there Callie got them going on a game of _Life_ while Mike and Stef sat in the same chair and staired off into space as Mike wandered around. At 2:30 the surgion came out, making Stef jump to her feet and Callie run over.

"How is my wife?" Stef asked.

"She did great. She's in the recovery room at the moment. We removed both her breasts and the lymph nodes in her armpits. The cancer had spread farther than we thought and we had to take a significant amount of the chest muscle out."

"What does that mean in the long run?" Stef asked as she balled one fist to keep herself together.

"Just that she'll be weaker, longer. When we did the CT scan there were no masses in her lungs, so we know it didn't travel that far. As for scarring, the cuts we had to make a little bigger, but other than that."

"Can I see her?" Stef asked as the kids stepped forward more.

"Of course, she'll be waking up any moment. I'm sorry, but minors cannot come in the recovery room. But you guys will be able to see your mom once she's back in her own room." He said, "Mrs. AdamsFoster, if you'll follow me I can take you to her."

"You guys, I'll be back when I can, alright? No running off," Stef said before turning to follow the doctor.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lena groaned. It was too bright and her upper torso felt squished, life there was an elephant on top of it, "Stef?" she asked, surprised at the muffled, horse sound that came out, more than a moan than anything.

"Hey, my Love," Lena heard as darkness came over her closed eyes, struggling, she opened her eyes to see Stef above her, kissing her forhead, "Baby, you should keep that on," Stef said as Lena tried to move the mask off of her face.

"Cold, hurts" She said horsly after she was able to nudge it off of her face.

"I'll get a nurse to get you another blanket and some pain meds, Love," Stef said softly as she rubbed her hand up and down Lena's arm, before trying to put the mask over Lena's face but she shook her head.

"The kids?" Lena asked.

"They are waiting until you get in your room so they can come see you," Stef smiled.

"Kiss me?" Lena asked as her breathe heaved.

"Always, My Love," Stef smiled and leaned down and placed a kiss softly on her lips before putting the oxygen mask back over her face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lena woke up to the soft sound of a guitar. It took her a few moments to work out the words that Callie was singing softly.

_Her wife held it in and held her tight_  
_Cancer don't discriminate or care if you're just 38_  
_With five kids who need you in their lives_  
_She said, "I know that you're afraid and I am, too_  
_But you'll never be alone, I promise you"_

_When you're weak, I'll be strong_  
_When you let go, I'll hold on_  
_When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes_  
_When you feel lost and scared to death,_  
_Like you can't take one more step_  
_Just take my hand, together we can do it_  
_I'm gonna love you through it._

_She made it through the surgery fine_  
_They said they caught it just in time_  
_But they had to take more than they planned_  
_Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts_  
_To hide what the cancer took from her_  
_But she just wants to feel like a woman again_  
_She said, "I don't think I can do this anymore"_  
_She took her in her arms and said "That's what my love is for"_

_When you're weak, I'll be strong_  
_When you let go, I'll hold on_  
_When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes_  
_When you feel lost and scared to death,_  
_Like you can't take one more step_  
_Just take my hand, together we can do it_  
_I'm gonna love you through it._

_And when this road gets too long_  
_I'll be the rock you lean on_  
_Just take my hand, together we can do it_  
_I'm gonna love you through it._  
_I'm gonna love you through it. _

"I heard that song and it reminded me of you and Mom" Callie said with a sigh into the air. Lena realized Callie didn't know she was awake, "You having cancer doesn't feel fair, especailly to you and Mom. Life just started becoming comfortable then you got cancer. You are the most amazing person I've ever known, Momma. I knew you would make it through this surgery and I just hope you make it through chemo. I don't want you to die, Momma," she whispered as Lena felt Callie slip her hand into her's.

Lena squeezed her hand back and was surprised of the strength it took to simply flex her fingers, "I love you, Baby Girl," Lena said loudly to try and overcome the face mask, Callie looked up.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," she laughed as she wiped her eyes.

"I'm going-" Lena said and then sighed.

"Here," Callie said softly and pulled the mask off of her face.

"I am going to be fine, Baby Girl. Don't worry," she said with a small smile and then a grimance.

"Are you in pain?" Callie asked quickly.

"Where's mom?" she asked as she held her eyes tightly closed.

"Captain Roberts called," Callie said still worried, "Do you want me to get her."

"Please, Baby? I'm not trying to kick you out."

"I know, Momma, I'll go get her," Callie smiled softly and put the facemask back over her mom's face as she went looking for a nurse before finding Stef.


	10. Bandages

**AN-So I'm skipping about 36 hours in this story. I slept for about the first 48 hours through (and then only was up to go to the car and into the house and into bed, slept for another day and then was back in the hospital). Chemo is going alright. I sleep, become nausous and my wife and kids seem to always be trying to force me to eat. I never realized how painful (physically painful, not too much emotionally) loosing hair would be. AParently someone feels like all my ideas are copied from others. Huu? Only other cancer fic I've seen was started after I submitted the first few chapters. oh well. **

Stef laid in the recliner bed staring at her laptop. She was trying to do some paperwork for Captain Robert's but ever couple minutes her eyes wandered to her sleeping wife. She seemed to wake up every few hours but was usually in so much pain she was given pain meds and then fell promptly asleep.

She had to count her blessings though, Lena's breathing mask was gone and with Lena being out of it, the nurse was able to show her how to empty the drains that were on each side of Lena's body. She had left when the nurses changed the bandages, she figured it was Lena's right to show her when she was ready. The kids came and went a few times, but since they weren't allowed more than two at a time, and for only ten minutes at a time, they didn't stay long. Except for Callie and Jude, who Stef had to make go home.

Stef tried not to think of the argument she had already had with Lena's mom, who first thing asked when Lena was going to have reconstruction, and what was going to happen to her hair when she had chemotherapy. She loved Lena's mother, but she was just... Stef could see why Lena got ancy when she came to visit. She was just glad Lena was out cold at the time. Stuart on the other hand, Stef had wished Lena would have opened her eye for him. All he wanted was for her to hear him say 'I love you'.

"mmm," came a moan that made Stef look over.

"Hi Sleeping Beauty," Stef said as she stood up and kissed Lena's lips and stroked her forehead with her thumb, "How are you feeling?"

"Painful, throbbing, it's like the time you acidently kneeled on my boobs and I couldn't sleep on my stomach for three days," Lena said, trying to get a laugh from Stef from their one failed tme of the 69 position.

"Not fair," Stef smiled "Do you want me to go get someone to get you some pain meds, Love?" she asked as she sat carefully on the side of the bed. Lena shook her head.

"In a couple minutes," she said as she let her eyes close, "How are my kids?" she asked as she felt Stef lay a hand on her lower stomach and rub small circles.

"They're all fine."

"Even Callie and Jude?" she asked.

"THey are both fine. I had to force them out of the waiting room and home, but they're fine. Your dad came by. He says to tell you he loves you and he'll come back as soon as you're awake. He took 2 weeks off to come see you."

"And my mom?"

"She said to tell you the same thing," Stef smiled.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm doing ok, Love, I'm glad to see you awake."

"What time is it? What day is it?" Lena asked a little worried.

"It's 9 at night. You had surgery yesterday."

"You should go home and sleep in your own bed for a night," Lena said more confidently then she felt. The last time Stef looked and sounded like this was when Callie was in the hospital. Though now there wasn't anyone to entice her away from the bed.

"I was talking to your doctor," Stef said.

"mmm, what does that have to do about you going home?" Lena asked.

"He said you could go home for a few days if you wanted before you started chemotherapy."

"I can?" Lena asked, perking up a little. Home sounded amazing.

"Yes, as long as we changed your bandages and emptied your drains every 12 hours."

"Bandages meaning all of them?" Lena asked with a hitch in her breath.

"Yes, My Love, but it'll be fine. I'll help you and they'll be done in just a few minutes."

"Maybe I should stay here, have a nurse help me," Lena trailed off.

"You don't have to go home, Baby. But being home would make you feel better, and the kids feel better, even if it's for a few days." Lena laid but didn't say anything, making Stef sigh.

"I'm going to go see about some pain meds, ok? Do you need anything else?" She asked. Lena thought for a moment before shaking her head.

"Thank you," She said finally as Stef stayed for a minute.

"You don't have to thank me, Love, I do wish you would let me in though," Stef said softly as she kissed Lena's forhead. Lena closed her eyes and tried to imagine what it would be like, to let Stef see her. She hadn't even seen it yet. She took a few deep breaths as she heard footsteps coming back, "the nurse will be here in about ten minutes, Love," Stef said as she sat n the edge of the bed, leaning over and pressing her hand on the opisite side of the bed so her body heat radiated through Lena's thighs, causing a calming sensation to run through her, "she says it's time to change your bandages also."

"Oh," Lena said as she clentched her teeth.

"Hey Now," Stef said as she saw her become tense, "I don't have to be in here if you don't want me too. It'll all be fine."

"I don't want to be in here when it happens," Lena mumbled but shook her head, "it'll be fine."

"Hey, Ladies," came a voice with a knock at the door as a nurse came in.

"How are you feeling, Lena?" She asked as she first started a dose of pain medication into her IV.

"It hurts, and it feels, I don't know, almost like... they are still there but were hit really hard or were squished, or, I don't know how to explain it."

"That's normal," The nurse assured, "What causes it is the nerves that were damaged when they removed your breasts, it's called phantom pains. Talk to your doctor when he does his rounds tomorrow and you guys can talk about what to do long term for it."

"Ok, How long does it last?" She asked at the words 'long term'.

"It can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few years," the nurse replied as Lena watched her gather supplies, a specimin cup, gauze, saline water, medical tape, gloves, "This is the first time doing it while you're awake, right?" THe nurse asked as she looked through her notes.

"Yes," Lena said a little unsure as she watched it being done.

"So, I'm not actually supposed to do this but I've found a way that makes women the most comfortable. But it would involve Stefanie staying, is that alright?" She asked.

"What does Stef have to do with it?" Lena asked suddenly.

"If it's ok with you, we'll have Stefanie sit behind you so you can rest against her. It helps a lot of women to be able to be close to their partner the first time, or few times it's done. She won't look if you don't want her to, and you will have something to focus on."

Stef smiled, that was the most ingenious idea she had heard, "Ok," Lena nodded a little unsure.

"So first we are just going to raise the head of your bed," The nurse explained as she pressed a button. Lena took a breath as her head spun a little and she started to notice the difference in her top half. When the head of the bed was raised and she tried to sit up she started to panic.

"I can't- I mean, what's going on?" She asked with wide eyes.

The nurse patted her leg gently, "It's because of how much mucle was removed from your chest wall. It'll grow back, but for the moment, sitting upis going to be a struggle. THe pain meds probably also are effecting it."

"Can I help you sit up, Love?" Stef asked surprising Lena.

"Please," Lena smiled, trying to convey how sorry she was to her wife. She had been pushing her away. Stef slipped a hand under Lena's shoulders and lifted her so her wife was sitting upright.

"Ok?" She asked gently as Lena nodded. The nurse and Stef scooted her forward a little in the bed and Stef took her shoes off, sliding behind Lena so her back was against Stef's front, curling her knees she secured her legs underneith Lena's knees so she was stable, "Hi, My Love," Stef said gently as Lena laid back against her shoulder, softly she kissed Lena's neck. Lena smiled back at her as Stef wrapped her arms around Lena's stomach.

"Alright you guys, we'll empty the drains first is that's ok?" She said as she pulled gloves on, "I want you to hold your right arm up as long as you can, and when you can't I'll have Stef hold it up for you," She said as she pulled Lena's gown to the side to reveal a small clear bulb that had red fluid in it. Lena held her arm up for about 30 seconds while the nurse worked quickly to take a square of gauze off. As her arm started to shake from the pain and fatigue, Stef grabbed onto it gently.

"Thank you," She murmered as Stef kissed her temple. The nurse explained how to drain and measure the amount of fluid in the bulb and then how to strip the tubing by stretching it between two fingers to make sure there are no clogs, before rebandaging and securing it and then doing the one on Lena's other side. Stef burried her hand in Lena's curls and slowly massaged the nape of her neck.

"Alright, I know this is the unpleasent part," the nurse said sypathetically as she threw the last of the dirty gauze from her sides away, "Do you want to see? Do you want Stef to see? What would make you more comfortable?" she asked as she stripped off medical tape from the roll.

"Ummm, I don't care," Lena said finally as she turned her head to look at Stef, letting Stef kiss her lips lightly and lean her temple against Lena's. Stef could feel Lena's eyes on her as she watched the nurse carefully pull back tape as Lena flinched against her.

"Hurts?" she asked as she held Lena tighter.

"No, kind of, it's, I don't know, strange, it's numb and sensitive at once," she said as she watched the nurse.

Stef and Lena had looked at pictures of post mastectiomies before this, but nothing could prepare Stef for the dight of her wife, the skin red and angry with black dots of stitches covering her chest, blood caked around then. She was snapped out of it when she felt Lena start to tense, looking over she saw Lena's eyes full of unshed tears she held her tighter, "Baby, look at me," She whispered softly, kissing Lena's temple, sighing when she shook her head, "Baby, this means nothing. You are still just as beautiful, you are still as sexy. YOu are still the amazing woman I married and have 5 kids with" she said as she held Lena tighter when she whimpered at the nurse cleaning her chest, turning her face into Stef's neck and seemingly sheilding her face with Stef's hair. Stef watched carefully as the nurse cleaned and dressed the wounds.

"We're all done," The nurse said gently to Lena who still had her face burried in Stef's neck. Stef could feel hot tears running down her collar bone, "How about I came back in 20 minutes and will lay you back down?" She asked as she saw the way Lena clung to Stef's arms.

"Thank you," Stef smiled softly to the nurse as she hummed softly in Lena's ear before singing softly,

_The silence is singing and it's got me to thinking of_  
_so many love songs, so many love songs,_  
_but this one's for you._

_Won't be the last one, sure ain't the first_  
_to fall for someone and try to put in words._  
_They're so many love songs, so many love songs,_  
_but this one's for you._

_Oh, and I'm not one to carry on and on._  
_And I may not be the poetic type, no._  
_I'm not always the most refined._  
_Oh but even so, I just want you to know_  
_this is the way I show you how I feel._

_You are the rhythm, you are the rhyme._  
_You are the music and melody and the reason behind why there's_  
_so many love songs, so many love songs,_  
_but this one's for you._


	11. just a note from liz

**hi everyone. this is gleek foster kid's daughter, liz. i just wanted to tell you guys that new chapters are wont be up for a few days. momma had chemo yesterday and shes not doing well. chemo makes her really tired and sick. seems to get worse as time goes by. but i just wanted to let you know that she hasnt forgotten about the stories. earlier we were talking about what we want to do with the next chapter of adding fosters.**


	12. Own bed

**AN- Hello everyone! Hopefully you guys stayed with me. Just wasn't a good week last week and once I was feeling better Saturday evening I had all the kids in and out of the hospital to visit. TOday they are at school. Well, hopefully. Found out our second oldest skipped twice last week. Grandma (who is watching the kids) is not happy. Neither is the child that has no cell phone or Ipod though. This chapter is part one of two (or three) of Lena coming home for a few days to recover from surgery before starting chemo. I hope you guys are... well. enjoying sounds really weird for the type of story it is... but enjoying the story. **

Lena sat in the passenger seat of the car, leaned back. She thought back to getting in the wheelchair to go home. Nothing was more disturbing than finding out you can't hold your body up for more than a minute or two before you start slumping forward. The sun felt good on her skin. Hell, being in real clothes felt good. She was wearing a pair of loose yoga pants and a loose t-shirt with a short sleeved sweater over it. It didn't cover her chest as much as she wished. She wished she couldn't see her stomach, something she couldn't see since puberty. It was a little bit of a wonder to her.

"How are you doing, Love?" Stef asked, looking over as they sat at a red light.

"Alright. Can we stop somewhere?" she asked softly.

Stef looked at Lena conficted, she wanted to give her wife anything she wanted but the doctor was very adimit about the fact that she needed to rest.

"I just want to stop through Burgerville and get a strawberry shake and burger, well and fries and burgerville sauce," she said with a smile. The short car ride must have done her some good, Stef thought to herself. She hadn't seen Lena hungry, or smiling for that matter, since they had gotten the diagnosis.

"Sure, I bet the kids will love you, Burgerville for dinner," She laughed as she turned to head the five minutes to the fast food place. With Dana, Stuart, and Stef's mom being there to watch over the kids the amount of food they ordered was appauling. The people chuckled as they handed eight bags and three cup holders of shakes through the window.

"I bet Burgerville loves me too," Lena giggled when she looked at the back seat where Stef had been setting the bags, filling the seats.

"I'm sure they do," Stef smiled when she paid the person $50 and started to head towards the house.

"That is the most we've paid for a dinner in..." Lena mumbled.

"Oh, shush," Stef said gently, "If you want Burgerville, we're having Burgerville," she said as they pulled into the driveway. Lena smiled when she saw her kids spill out the front door with her dad close behind them.

"Momma!" Jude yelled as he yanked open the door.

"Careful, Baby," Stef said quickly When Jude went to throw his arms around her. Lena pushed the button to lift her seat before kissing his forhead.

"Can you and your siblings carry all the food and drinks in for me?" She asked, nodding her head towards the back seat.

"Wow, Momma! Did you buy out Burgerville?" Jude asked with wide eyes.

"If you make fun of me you don't get any, Little Man," Lena said with a smile as she watched the kids pull out bags of food.

"Hey, Baby Girl," Stuart said as he squatted down so he was face to face with his daughter, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm ok, Daddy," She smiled softly and unbuckled herself letting him wrap his arms around her, thankful when he hugged her low around her stomach. She let herself lean against his chest and press her face into his chest, wincing after a moment at the preasure against her chest.

"Come on, Baby Girl, I'll help you into the house."

"Wait, Stuart?" Stef said as she pulled out a folding wheelchair out of the back of the van, "Why doesn't she use this to the front steps?" She asked as she rolled it next to them and locked the wheels, "That way you don't get too tired, Baby," she said to Lena who was giving her a look, "And I'll set up a spot for you on the couch." Lena tried pushing up off of her Dad but when found it almost impossible gave into Stef's suggestion, letting her dad help her into the wheelchair.

"Remember what they said, your muscle will grow back soon," Stef said as she kissed Lena's temple and took the free moment to pull the overnight bag out of the trunk. Before running up to her room and pulling pillows and a blanket off their bed. In the living room she positioned the pillows so Lena would be in a semi-reclined position and threw the blanket over one arm of the couch incase Lena got cold. "You guys need help?" Stef asked when she saw Stuart having one hand wrapped around his daughter's waist and the other on one shouder ready to keep her upright if she needed.

"I'm fine," Lena said, though the sigh of relief she gave when she was able to lay back against the pillows indicated a different story.

"Here, Doll," Sharon said as she brought a lap tray out with two burgers, a shake, fries, and sauce on it.

"Thanks, Sharon," Lena replied when it was placed on her lap. Sharon patted her leg for a moment before heading back towards the kitchen to rab stuff for Stef who had planted herself beside Lena. It was only a couple minutes before all the kids were sitting in the livingroom. Mariana and Jesus sat on the tan chairs while Callie and Jude sat on the big ottoman. The grandparents ate in the kitchen and Stef wondered a little bit of how the interaction between Lena and her mother would go, and why Dana hadn't seen her yet. Though Callie's glances towards the kitchen every so often didn't go unnoticed to Stef.

After everyone was done eating Lena seemed to be nodding off. Callie offered to take in plates and garbage to the kitchen and Stef quickly told her she would help. Lena was sleeping from pain meds she'd taken before she started eating and the rest of the kids started dispersing the house.

"Everything ok, Love?" Stef asked as they entered the kitchen, you could cut the tention with a knife.

"I'm fine," Callie mumbled when they made their way back into the living room and Callie sat on the ottoman in front of Lena, Stef sitting beside her and wrapping an arm around Callie's back.

"What's going on with you, Callie Girl? Did something happen?"

"No, I just want it to be... I don't know, our family for a few days, without other people."

"You do realize your grandparents are your family, right?"

Callie sighed, "Dana doesn't act like it."

"What's going on with Dana?"

"She thinks I don't like her or something," Callie shrugged.

"Why do you think that?" Stef asked as things started to make sense in her mind.

"She look my laptop and guitar for a week."

"Well, Love, there has to be a reason why she just took them, what did you do?"

"All I said was it wasn't right what she was saying," Callie said angrily, "Momma can get reconstructive surgery when she wants, or not. Who cares about her hair? It will probably fall out, yes. But why make a big deal out of it?"

"Dana..." Stef started with a sigh, "Dana picks at Momma about every little thing. I think she wants Momma to be everything she wasn't. Or to be more like her since she is always saying Momma needs sun. I will talk to Dana and you will have your stuff back, Sweets. You were standing up for your Momma and that's a good thing. YOu should have told me about this though."

"When, Mom? When we were sitting hoping Momma would get out of surgery? Or when she was laying sedatied in a hospital bed?"

"Callie, Love, you're getting worked up, I need you to calm down," Stef said gently, "I know things have been tough. But you gotta stop keeping it to yourself."

"She's right though," Callie said with a sigh, "I don't like her. I haven't since the quincenera when she made Momma cry. Momma felt like she didn't know where she belonged for years. It must have been hard enough being a lesbian, she shouldn't have felt it because she was lighter too."

"You're right, Love. But if Momma is trying to keep the peace, you should too," Stef said softly, "I am having trouble with her too, but Momma is going to probably need her own Mom. We just have to keep an eye out, alright?"

Callie nodded.

"I think we should take care of it now."

The voice caused both Stef and Callie to look up toLena whose eyes were open, "Callie, Baby, you don't have to like my mom. I don't half the time. Thank you for standing up for me. You don't know how much that means to me. You're right, it's not ok how she treated me, or is aparently treating me still. But it ends now. Stef, please go tell my mother to come here, Callie girl? Can I borrow your winter pjs? It is so cold in this house."

"Sure, Momma."

"Great, will you go put them on mine and Mom's bed? I think after speaking to my mother it's about time for me to say goodnight."

"Yes, Momma," Callie said quietly as she walked up the stairs and got the bin under her bed to look through her winter clothes. Finally she found the pair of dark great fleece pants and the baggy, button up shirt. Taking them she set them on her moms' bed before sitting cross legged on it.

20 minutes later she was sitting in her room with the door that opened between the two wide, so she could see when her Momma came in. Momma sat on the edge of her bed with Mom and Stuart helping her. She turned when they took the ten minute task of helping her change clothes and settle her into the bed.

"Callie?" Lena called when she saw her daughter laying on her bed, though she could tell her daughter wasn't asleep. She had said a quick goodnight to all her other kids downstairs, "Come here for a moment, Babe."

Callie got up and walked in their room, sitting on the opisite edge of the bed.

"Here is your cell phone and Mom is grabbing your guitar right now," She smiled when Callie took it. "My mom has decided to go to a hotel for the night. I'm not sure how often she will be here. But it was made clear that she was to be polite to you, alright?"

Callie nodded, "I'm sorry I caused so much trouble."

"Callie, Love, you didn't. You stood up for your Momma when someone was saying hurtful things. Come here," she patted the bed beside her. Callie looked at her skeptically but laid down beside her, careful not to touch her, causing Lena to sigh, slowly she patted her stomach, "Rest your head here, Baby," she said, the only solution she had. Callie gingerly held her head againt Lena's stomach before Lena felt her relax into her stomach as she ran her fingers a couple times through Callie's hair before giving up and resting her hand on Callie's head, her arm tired, watching Callie as she rubbed her pointer finger up and down the bridge of her nose. "You tired, Slug a Bug?" Lena asked watching her. Callie nodded. "Why don't you go take a nap? That's what me and Mom are going to do."

"Ok, Momma," Callie said, making Lena smile softly.

"I'll see you in the morning," Lena said when Calle hugged her around the stomach before walking to her room and shutting the door.

"She's going to be fine," Stef said from where she had been watching the interaction from the doorway.

"She is," Lena agreed, "BUt she looks like she has slept just about as much as you have."

"Well, then, how does a nap sound?" Stef asked as she got on her side of the bed. She thought for a moment before resting her head just under the bandages on Lena's chest, throwing an arm around her stomach and a leg over one of Lena's.

"You've become a monkey," Lena smiled.

"I've become a woman who hasn't been able to snuggle my wife for a week," Stef mumbled into Lena's shirt.

"I know," Lena said as she closed her eyes, happy to be in her own bed.

"I set an alarm so we can change your bandages in a few hours. But for right now we should just sleep."

Lena hummed in agreement, "I love you," she said softly as she started to fall asleep.

"I love you too."


	13. JudeMomma time

**AN- Back at the hospital, sigh. Oh well. Good news, the mass in my liver has started to respond to treatment. Hopefully it keeps shrinking and it can be removed. Yay for good news. **

_But they had to take more than the planned. Now it's forced smiles. _

"Love? Come on Love, you have to wake up so we can change your bandages," Stef said as she shook Lena's leg slightly, getting a grumble and head shake in return, "Baby, we have to or I have to take you back to the hospital," Stef said, rubing her arm up and down Lena's leg.

"Fine," Lena muttered as she opened her eyes, taking her remote she lifted her side of the bed.

"Someone's in a grumpy mood," Stef said as she took a moment to sit next to Lena and stroke her hair, watching the tension ebb away slightly.

"I was sound asleep, dreaming this never happened," Lena said with a shrug as she reached for Stef's hand who took it and kissed the palm before holding it.

"I'm sorry," she said as she curled tightly next to Lena, making her she didn't bump her side as she rested her chin on Lena's shoulder lightly and kissed her neck a couple times, "You're beautiful. Even though you don't think it now," Stef said as she watched Lena close her eyes.

"Yeah, I can't shower, I have no breasts and as my lovely mother pointed out, I will have no hair soon too. Beautiful," Lena spat. Stef sighed, Kissing Lena's temple she stood to get the hospital bag that held all the stuf to change her bandages and record what was going on with the drains.

She helped Lena unbutton her night shirt before rubbing hand sanitizer on her hands, carefully pulling off the tape that surrounded the drain and pulling the gauze off. The site didn't looked as inflamed as it did the day before but blood crusted around the site. Taking a couple wipes Stef cleaned it as Lena stared across the room. Quickly she emptied the the bulb into a speciamin container and recorded the amount of fluid along with the color and clarity. pinching her thumb and forefinger on each hand she stripped the drain to make sure it didn't clog before covering the drain and doing the same thing to the other side.

"I can do this," Lena spoke for the first time since they started when Stef went to pull the bandages off of her chest. Stef wanted to argue, what the hell was Lena thinking, she barely had the strength to run her fingers through Callie's hair a couple of times earlier. The list of things to get Lena's strength up was crazy, things like just clentching her fists and holding her arms up for 10 seconds in front of her. But she also knew Lena would get mad if she argued.

"Ok, I'm going to text a few people, if you need help just let me know, ok, Love?" Stef asked as Lena nodded.

Grabbing her phone she texted their friend, Laura

Any way you could open up the salon for a little while? I'm sorry I know it's late.-Stef

_You are never the one who had emergency salon needs lol. Everything ok? How is Lena doing?-Laura_

I want to get her hair washed and get her cleaned up a little, make her feel a little more put together and was hoping I could use one of your sinks. And maybe pay you triple for a pedicure for her?-Stef

_ Ofcourse, let me just tell Tammy where I'm going. And Stef? You really expect me to let you pay? I've been telling you for the last week to tell we whatever you needed done. You know me enough to know I'm serious when I tell people that. I've known Lena for 12 years, I just want to see her get better and do what I can.-Laura_

Thank you. I know, I'm sorry I haven't. We'll meet you there in 40 minutes?-Stef

_ Sounds good.-Laura_

Stef turned back around to see a bandage pulled half off Lena's chest and her crying silently, "Love," Stef breathed as she went over to her wife and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Baby, are you hurt?" she asked as she watchen Lena, carefully pulling the bandage all the off when Lena shook her head.

"I couldn't get it off," Lena said embarressed, "I can't pull a stupid peice of tape off."

"Baby, you just had surgery three days ago, they took all the muscle from your chest wall," she said as she carefully set her hand on Lena's uncovered chest, "It'll grow back with time. But for now you're going to need help with some things. Please let me do this for you. Or I could get someone else, your dad, or my mom could help."

"No," Lena said shaking her head.

"No you don't want someone else to help?" Stef asked a little confused, relieved when Lena nodded, "Ok, let me help you, ok?" she asked as Lena nodded. Being careful to look at Lena's face and not make her feel uncomfortable Stef carefully pulled the other bandage off of Lena's chest and threw it into the bag that had the other dirty gauze in it.

Taking a few anti bacterial wipes she tried not to cringe as she gently wiped at Lena's skin, it streaking red as the blood started to come off. Pulling the blanket over Lena as she sterted shivering Stef worked quickly to clean the skin. Once she was done she looked up At Lena who had tears in her eyes. Leaning down she pressed a soft kiss in the middle of Lena's chest, the same spot her lips would pause at whenever she was exploring Lena's body. Tkaing another second she kissed the spot again, trying to transfer as much love as she could, taking the same trail she always did she moved upwards, making sure not to hurt Lena at all as she trailed up to her neck, "I love you," she whispered into Lena's ear before kissing her temple once more. Taking the gauze and medical tape she carefully taped Lena's chest back up before helping her button her shirt.

"We're going on a little trip," Stef said with a smile.

"We are?" Lena asked. Stef smiled. Lena looked more relaxed, and although her eyes still showed fear of being rejected, she smiled.

"Yep, we're heading over to Laura's."

"Stef, it's 8:30."

"I know, so that means we have the salon to ourselves. Now, I can't keep track of all the things you use," Stef laughed, "You have to show me if there is something specific you want me to bring or if Laura will have it at the shop."

"mmm, just grab my shampoo and conditioner," Lena said as she carefully swung her legs over the edge of the bed as there was a knock on the door, "Come in."

"Hey, Momma, I brouht you your purse," Jude said, setting it on the edge of her bed. Lena tried not to give him a look, they always left their purses downstairs.

"Thanks, Bud, you need anything?" she asked, seeing the small delemia she caused herself, not being able to push herself into a sitting postion.

"No, I guess not..." Jude trailed off, "You need help, that doesn't look comfortable, Momma."

"That would be great," Lena said as Jude helped pull her up into a sitting position, sitting down next to her, not wanting to leave.

"Stef, do think Laura would mind f I brought a guest?" Lena called into the bathroom.

"A guest?" Stef asked as she walked out, smiling when she saw Jude sitting next to Lena, he had wrapped his arms around her shoulders, keeping her steady without Lena realizing what he was doing, "I think that would be fine. Go throw on some shorts, Sweets," Stef smiled as she kissed Lena's lips.

"He brought me my purse, I was guessing that was a 'I need Momma time but don't know how to ask'"

"You're probably right, Love," Stef smiled as she threw the bottles and the medication Lena was to take in a little while in an oversized purse, "Ready to go, Love?" Lena nodded as they slowly made their way down the stairs and Stef got Lena situated in the car as Jude jumped in the back seat. Lena had forgotten how much she loved spending time alone with Jude. It rarely happened, and was non exsistant now. He chatted easily as Stef drove the ten minutes to the salon.

"Hey, you guys," Tammy called as she walked out to their car, a cute, short, slim woman with a dark pixie haircut came out, "Laura's just getting all the lights and heat turned on. Hey Jude! Laura didn't say you were coming," she said as she pulled him into a side hug.

"Old people music..." Jude muttered, "She had to name me after a song."

"We're not old," Stef said as she lightly kicked Jude's behind before turning to Tammy "It was kind of last minute, I hope you don't mind."

"Oh, no, Jude's fine," Tammpy said as she took the bag from Stef.

"No, Stef, it's 30 feet, I can manage," Lena said when Stef went to pull the wheel chair out.

"alright," Stef said as she helped her up, Tammy walked beside them as she watched the two walk slowly into the salon.

"Hey Hun, come take a seat over here," Laura said pointing to one of the sinks, standing starting the water for Lena's hair, "We can get your hair done."

"Thank you so much for this, Laura," Lena said as she sat down heavily.

"Don't mention it. I've missed seeing you," the woman said, hugging Lena for a moment. Other than Jenna, Laura was one of her closest friends. They'd known eachother from college. Laura got her degree to be an art teacher but when the oppertunity came to buy the salon, she changed geers, She met Tammy when she came to work for her "Are you doing, alright?"

"Yeah, I'm home for a couple days, it makes things better," Lena smiled, "Then I'l start chemo and be back in the hospital."

Laura smiled sadly as she rubbed Lena's shoulder, turning her head so Lena couldn't see her. Over at the side she saw Jude looking at the display of nail polish, "Ever gotten your nails done by a perfessional?" She asked Jude who shook his head. Remember that Stef had asked specifically to come over so she could wash Lena's hair, she showed Stef how to work the thing before pulling a towel around Lena's neck so she wouldn't get wet.

Stef situated Lena back and against the edge of the sink as she let the warm water soak Lena's curls. Taking her shampoo she slowly massaged Lena's scalp with one hand while holding her head steady with the other, smiling at how relaxed Lena looked.

"I love when you wash my hair," she murmered, "Maybe even more now that it hasn't been done in a week."

"I know you do," Stef smiled, kissing the tip of her nose, "You have since our first weekend alone when I did it for you then."

"mmm, that was when you woke me up at 5 in the morning to have sex and take a bath."

Stef laughed, "That I did," she smiled as she rinsed the shampoo out of her hair before rubbing conditioner in it and untangling what she could with her fingers as she massaged her head. five minutes later Tammy came over with a bigger towel, wrapping Lena's head around it and helping her up and over to a chair that had a mirror.

"You just want me to style it like you usually do yourself? Pretty natural?"

"Yes, please. I'd be afraid to let Stef touch my hair other than washing it," Lena smiled.

"I would to," Tammy giggled as Stef gave them a hurt look. walking over to Laura she found her massaging one of Jude's hands and arms with lotion, the other one already painted a bright pink.

"That's a new color," Stef said as she kissed the top of Jude's head.

"It's called 'survivor pink'," Jude smiled.

"It's perfect. Getting VIP treatment over here I see. Just as good as Momma," Stef said as she sat on the chair beside him and watched as Laura effortlessly did his nails.

"It's fun. I love this," Jude beamed.

"You're already starting my son off with bad habits," Stef joked to Laura.

"Oh please, No, no, let my child drink or spend tons of money on electronics, don't let him spend money on getting his nails done," Laura said in mock horror, making Stef roll her eyes.

Once Lena's hair was done Stef took her in the back and helped her clean the rest of her body as best as she could while Tammy and Laura had Jude help them get glasses of sparkling cider and some cheese and crackers ready for everyone.

"Alright, Lena, come over here. You have to get a pedicure before you leave," Tammy said patting the massage chair that already had warm water filled in the small foot tub.

"YOu too, Mr. Jude," Laura said indicationg the filled tub beside it.

"What about Mom?" He asked.

"Mom doesn't get her toes done," Stef said, "People aren't allowed to touch my feet."

"Nope, she sits by us and plays with the massage chair," Lena laughed.

"It's a massage chair?" Jude asked excitedly.

"Yep, come on, Bud," Lena said pointing to the chair beside her while Laura passed them all glasses of sparkling cider and put a plate of goodies between Lena and Jude, another between Jude and Stef. Lena watched in awe as she got to see one of her children do something for the first time. Smiling when he giggled when Tammy was massaging his legs and got to his knee, making him squirm. Grin as his toes were painted a sparkly blue. It was one of the rare times he was animated, talking and laughing. His personality shining through. By the time they were done it was almost 11, Lena fast asleep in the chair as Jude would fall asleep, start to nod off and jerk back awake. Stef picked up Lena bridal style and carried her out to the car as Jude stumbled his way out, Tammy's arm around him so he wouldn't trip.

"Thank you so much, again," Stef said once she walked back in, helping the two women pick up the few things as her son and wife were sound asleep in the locked car.

"Don't mention it," Laura said, "It was good to see you guys, and it was good to see Jude. He's come out of his shell so much since the wedding."

"I know, he's such a great boy."

"He asked me if when Lena's hair started falling out if his sister would bring him if he could shave his head."

"As long as Callie doesn't shave her's without finding out if Lena's ok with it, but that's so sweet of him."

"You bring them back the next time Lene's out for a few days, you got me?" Laura asked as she hugged Stef "And if you need me for anything else, even if it's to take the kids out, or take you out to get your mind off things, I'm just a phone call away."

Stef smiled and tried not to let tears fill her eyes at the gratitude she felt, "That's, Laura," She said as the three of them walked out to the cars. At home Stef had Stuart carry a still sleeping Lena up to their room as she woke Jude and helped him up to his and put things away.

"Night, Sweety," Stuart said as he patted Stef's shoulder coming out of the master bedroom.

"Goodnight," She said softly as she changed and crawled into her side of the bed. Laying on her side facing Lena she curled her left hand under her head as she wrapped her right around Lena's waist, making sure not to press against her and either hurt the wounds or dislodge the drain, before she fell asleep she kissed Lena's temple, "Good night, My Love," she whispered to the sleping woman beside her as she let sleep overtake her.


	14. Drains

**AN- so I know this is a shorter chapter, but it does give a good leeway into what's happening next. Plus I needed something to write about my grievances of the stupid drains in my sides. It's been forever and I hate them. Hoping I get them out soom *fingers Crossed* **

Lena groaned as she struggled to open her eyes, trying to figure out where she was. It took a minute to remember last night, coming home and eating with the family and spending the night at the salon, "Hey Baby Girl," she heard as she opened her eyes. She was surprised that it was not Stef but Stuart that was sitting on the other side of the bed with a newspaper and a cup of coffee.

"Hi, Daddy," Lena smiled as she scooted up in the bed a little with a small grimace, "Where is my wife?" she asked a little confused.

"I convinced Stef to take the kids to school. I couldn't get the kids out of the house. They all kept peaking into your guys' room. I think she's back by now, looking over bills."

"Do you mind getting her for me for a minute? Then maybe we could watch a movie? Just me and you?" Lena asked.

"Sure," Stuart smiled, kissing Lena's forehead, before getting up "Should I make a cup of coffee to bring up?"

"That'd be great, Daddy," Lena smiled as she closed her eyes and took a couple deep breathes, waiting for Stef to come up.

"Good morning sleepyhead," Stef said five minutes later as she walked into the room. Lena smiled, for the first time Stef looked semi put together in jeans and a tank top with a sweater over it, her hair falling naturally down her back with her glasses that Lena usually had to fight her to put on.

"Morning, Sexy," Lena smiled as Stef sat on the edge of the bed.

"You ok? Your dad said you asked for me. How are you feeling?" Stef asked as she leaned over Lena waist, pressing her hand on the other side of Lena as she turned her head a little and looked at her.

"My stomach is starting to hurt again, and it's a little swollen," Lena said after a moment, "I want to be home until tomorrow, but maybe I should call and find out if I need the thing again."

"Love," Stef said after a moment, running her hand across Lena's stomach, "I'll call alright? But I think it's something that'll keep reaccuring until we start dealing with the cancer in your liver."

Lena closed her eyes and nodded.

"I'll grab you your meds for the morning and get something for the pain," Stef said as she went and grabbed the bag of medication, pulling out several bottles and opening them. After she was done there was a small mountain of pills on the comforter before giving them to Lena with a glass of water with a straw in it. She watched Lena struggled to take them a couple at a time before handing the glass back, "Thank you, Babe," she said as she leaned back.

"I wish you didn't have those stupid drains so I could hold you," Stef said as she laid down next to Lena and rubbed her stomach softly.

"Me too," Lena said trying to block the tears that were forming in her eyes as she tried to scoot her body closer to Stef's. She hated this, they always cuddled, Stef took the hint, wrapping her leg around Lena's thighs and stroked her head with her hand that wasn't rubbing circles in Lena's stomach, all while trying to stay away from Lena's drain.

"I promised my dad I'd go watch a movie with him," Lena said, though at this moment she would rather stay right there.

"We'll change your bandages, call your doctor and let your pain meds kick in and I'll help you downstairs into the living room, ok?"

"Sure," Lena said, feeling a little bit more strength in her left arm she lifted it and rested it gently on Stef's cheek, her thumb tracing the laugh lines that her wife had developed over the years. Stef smiled, turning her head to place a soft kiss to the palm of Lena's hand,

"I love you, Baby," Stef said softly.

"I love you too," Lena smiled.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Stef pulled her phone out of her pocket to call the doctor. He told Stef what she expected. It was something that would be ongoing and unless it got really bad Lena could stay at home until tomorrow and they'd redo the procedure.

Measuring the fluid coming out of Lena's drains Stef sighed. Her right drain had gone down to 15cc, which was great. The surgeon had said once it was bellow 20cc for two days they could take the drain out, but the left side was still between 50-60cc. Stef re-bandaged them before doing Lena's chest, letting Lena clean the area herself since she was filling up to it, and re-covered them as well before helping her into new pjs.

"You want your hair up, My Love?" Stef asked, pulling Lena's hair on top of her head when Lena nodded before helping them downstairs.

"I was starting to think you ditched me," Stuart smiled as Stef helped Lena settle on the the couch, Stuart took his daughter's feet and set them on his lap, "I found The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra on HBO."

Lena chuckled and shook her head, "Ofcourse you did."

"You know you love watching it with me," Stuart smiled as he handed her a cup of coffee. Lena went between sleeping and watching movies most of the late morning and afternoon, forcing a little bit down for lunch. She would wake at different times to find different people in the living room with her. A couple of the kids, Sharon and Stef, her dad.

As much as she loved being home she couldn't do much, but waking up to familiar faces and seeing Stef more as ease than she had in what seemed like forever was amazing.

That night Lena lay with her back against Stef's chest and in between her legs, using her chest as a pillow with Stef's arms wrapped low around her waist, her head resting in the crook of Lena's neck with her lips against the soft flesh of her neck.

"Can we just stay like this forever?" Lena mumbled sleepily. It was their form of cuddling. They really didn't have any other option at the moment, but Lena loved being wrapped in Stef's arms. It was where she felt the most safe and loved.

"Mmmm, will you settle for the night?" Stef asked, "Hopefully you'll get the right drain out in a couple of days."

"God I hope so," Lena said as she started to drift.

"Good night, My Love," Stef whispered as Lena fell asleep.

"Good night, Babe," Lena replied.


	15. Mother in law

**AN- So, chemo was pushed back a few days because of anemia, so you guys are getting a lot of updates... And they're at really random times. Like, I just finished this at 4:30 in the morning. My body doesn't know night and day time at the moment. It knows I'm ok until it decides I need to sleep, then I'm out in five minutes. **

"Don't let go," Lena murmured into Stef's side. They had taken her right drain out a few hours earlier and redid the tap in Lena's stomach. Lena woke up cradled in Stef's arms. She was so happy she wanted to cry. Yes, it still hurt if Stef put much pressure at all on her side but at least Stef could hold her again.

"Don't worry, I'm not," Stef said softly as she kissed Lena's temple. Lena struggled to roll her shoulder ten times like the surgeon told her to do to help prevent fluid build up. Now that the drain was gone they would have to drain it with a needle if need be, and she'd rather not.

Stef sat helpless as she held Lena. Lena was determined to do all the post drainage things herself- rubbing under her arm and the right side of her chest right next to her shoulder blade bothered Stef the most. Mostly because she could tell it caused Lena pain, and she wasn't sure if it was more physical or mental. She figured Lena just didn't want her to feel her chest without her beasts. Though that kind of confused her too because she had spent the past two nights changing her bandages.

Stef was sitting cross legged on the bed, under her left arm was a pile of pillows for support the nurse had brought in. Lena's butt fit in Stef's lap while her legs dangled onto the bed; her head cradled into Stef's chest as she dozed in and out of sleep. Stef ran her finger across the smallest bandage on Lena's right side that covered the port that would deliver chemotherapy to Lena tomorrow.

The doctor explained it to them earlier today. A combination called CMF: Cyclophosphamide, Methotrexate and Fluorouracil. She will get one in an injection and the other two in a drip, she'd have a week before it happened again. About six days later she would start radiation for several days. So even though she'd have a break from chemo she wouldn't from dealing with medical things.

"How's my daughter doing?" Stef looked up to see Dana, she hadn't seen her since Lena's argument with her two days ago.

"She's doing alright, sleeping," Stef said as she looked back down at her wife and brushed a few curls off of her face, "Just about the same as you saw her the other night. Still has cancer, still is self cautious, still fighting for her life," Stef remarked, having trouble keeping her tone not angry.

"What do you want from me?" Dana asked as she folded her arms across her chest, "I can't make her _not _have cancer."

"No but starting with not making her feel ugly would be a great start. Not making my daughter feel like she's not a part of this family after we've been fighting for two and a half years to get her to feel like she belongs. Callie belongs in this family. Lena belongs in this family, hell, this family wouldn't be here, and we wouldn't have two of our kids if it wasn't for her."

"I don't know why you guys are so mad. All I asked was when she was getting reconstruction. You know, I was reading these things about women get reconstruction at the same time they got their breasts removed."

Stef gritted her teeth and tried to keep her voice down, thankful the pain meds Lena was given 20 minutes ago usually had her out for an hour or two, "Her cancer is too advanced to do that. She doesn't even have any fucking chest muscle because they had to remove it. She gets chemo and then the two weeks most women have off, she has to have radiation so we can try to shrink the tumor in her liver enough that we can remove it. Every few days she'll have to have a tube put in her stomach to drain liquid that gathers from her liver not working. And, as we're on the subject, her hair won't probably grow for a year or so. If the chemo has worked by then and she's not dead," Stef spat as she she turned away from her mother-in-law.

Carefully she scooted Lena off of her lap, keeping her hand under Lena's neck and laying her on the bed, "Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere," she said softly when Lena whimpered and turned towards her body heat, "My back was just hurting, Love, see, I'm still here, I'm still holding you," she said as she kissed Lena's temple, running her hand up and down Lena's leg as it jerked.

"What's happening?" Dana asked as she watched Lena's legs twitch, walking over to the side of the hospital bed.

"It's a side effect from the pain medication," Stef explained, "It's more just bothersome to her than anything. We still haven't found a pain medication that's strong enough to fight the pain that doesn't cause side effects like twitching or feeling like her skin is crawling and feeling prickly."

Stef watched as Dana studied her daughter, smiling softly when she ran a hand down her cheek. "I'm sorry, that was uncalled for," Stef said with a sigh, "I was trying to remember what was going to happen tomorrow when she has chemotherapy and I just an a little wound up."

"That's ok, maybe I'm pushing too much," Dana said, "I'll keep my opinions to myself from now on. I do love her, you know. She is my daughter."

"She loves you too, that's why your opinion means so much to her and why she gets so hurt from it."

"I should get going, I have a plane to catch in the morning."

"You're not staying the two weeks?"

"No, I think I've estranged myself enough for one visit. I think it's time to head home."

"Wait, shouldn't you say goodbye to your daughter?" Stef asked.

"She's sleeping," Dana said.

"Just wait a minute," Stef said as she turned towards her wife, "She'll be groggy but it's better to wake her up and say goodbye incase it's the last chance you get."

"Love," she whispered as she kissed Lena's forehead before speaking louder, "Lena, Baby, I need you to wake up for me for a minute," Stef said as she kissed Lena's lips, smiling when she responded, pulling back as Lena opened her eyes. "You're mom has to go home, Baby," she said as Lena looked around groggily."

"Hi, Love, I have to run home, there's an emergency, but your dad is going to be here," Dana said as she patted Lena's shoulder softly.

"Ok, Mom," Lena said as she turned closer to Stef.

"For the record, you will always be my beautiful daughter," Dana said before leaving.

"You alright, My Love?" Stef asked as Lena rubbed a hand over her eyes.

"Yeah," Lena said as she pulled Stef closer to her. Stef kissed her neck softly and smiled.

"Feeling better?" she asked "Hey, hey, I know you want to cuddle like we used to but even if it won't hurt a lot now, it will when the meds ware off," she said as she forced herself to make Lena loosen how hard she was pressed against Stef's side.

"Hurts now but I don't care," Lena murmured.

"It'll hurt more when the meds ware off. Here, watch, now, I'm still cuddling you," Stef said as she turned a little so it seemed she was leaning on top of of Lena, though most of her weight was on her side, wrapping an arm around Lena's waist, kissing her lips lightly.

"Mmmmhm," Lena said sleepily, "Can I finish my nap now?"

"Of course," Stef smiled, "The kids will be here in a few hours and bringing pizza for dinner."

"Much better than hospital food," Lena said with a smile, "I love you."

"I love you too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, that was the piece I wanted!"

"You should have been quicker, then," Callie said as she took a bite out of the last piece of pepperoni and stuck her tongue out at Stuart.

"I see she's gotten comfortable around my dad," Lena smiled and whispered to Stef as she watched her kids interact with their grandparents. Jude and Mariana got along really well with Sharon and Callie and Jesus hung around Stuart, "Do I remember correctly? My mom had an emergency?"

"Yeah," Stef said as she placed another piece of meatlovers in front of Lena.

"Mama? Can I sit with you?" Lena looked up to see Jude standing beside her bed.

"Sure, Bud," Lena said, "Take Mom's spot." Stef rolled her eyes and let Jude crawl on the bed next to Lena. "How was school today?"

"Good, we're doing logarithms now, they're kind of confusing."

"Yeah, they weren't always my favorite either. You just have to remember how to invert the logarithm into an exponent and an exponent into a logarithm that's usually how you solve the equation."

"I know," Jude smiled as he rested his hand on top of Lena's making her smile. He was such a sweet boy.

"You doing alright, Bud?"

"Yeah, are you?" he asked back with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm going to be fine. I promise." Lena said as she ate her pizza. She said googbye to her family and Stef crawled into bed after the last vital check of the night, curling herself around Lena as they fell asleep.


	16. Chemo

**AN- so, if you read Adding Fosters you know we found out our 8 year old has a 6 year old brother. My mother in law is fostering him because of my health. But he came so we could meet him today. I love Abby. After he crawled up on my bed and chatted she gave me the look. She loves him and went into Mommy mode. Poor baby, 8 foster homes in 2 1/2 years. I wrote the first part of this story for Abby. Out of all the things she's done, I was surprised when it was changing my central line bandage that made the the most scared.**

"Stef, Babe, look at me," Lena said as she watched Stef's hands shake, giving her a reassuring smile when Stef looked up, "You perform CPR and have even had to deliver a baby with the work you do. What is making you so nervous?" she asked.

Stef stood beside Lena's bedside with a nurse standing out of the way. After Lena had given up trying to maneuver herself with the little strength and ROM (range of motion) she had, Stef had wanted to learn how to change the dressing of her central line, where chemotherapy would be administered. "It was never you," Stef said as she took a deep breath and started to slowly pull back the dressing.

"If it doesn't want to come off use an alcohol wipe to kind of loosen it," the nurse suggested.

Stef carefully opened the alcohol wipe and ran it on the bottom of the bandage as she worked her way up, "I think I messed it up," Stef said with wide eyes, "the line went up." The nurse looked over Stef's shoulder,

"You're doing fine, they're made to come up a bit so you can clean under them, you can press down on them while you're pulling the bandage so they don't come up too much," she explained, watching as Stef again started to pull it up.

Lena reached her hand out, with resting her arm on the bed she was at the right height to rest her hand on Stef's hip, running her hand up and down Stef's side a couple times. "See, you could be my full time nurse. Next up, an IV," Lena smiled.

"Only if you desperately wanted it, My Love," Stef smiled and sighed in relief a little as the bandage finally came off.

"So now you wash your hands again and then look for signs of infections at the site: redness, pain, warmth, or drainage that has oder or is a yellowish green."

"So if I start smelling, send me back," Lena joked, trying to get Stef to loosen up a little bit. She had never seen her so worried about this.

"The moment they let me take you out of here you won't be coming back," Stef said as she took the chlorhexidine sponge and pressed down on the wings, forcing the disinfectant up into the sponge and softly scrubbing at the area.

Lena thought back to the idea of home. They wanted her at the hospital for the first course of chemotherapy and radiation to be able to keep an eye on her. Depending on how her body reacted to the treatment, seeing as it was high dosages given frequently, she would be able to go home, or would be required to stay in the hospital, she prayed she could go home to her kids. But if she could, Stef would have to be able to do this until she could herself.

"So now we just put the patch and new bandage on, yes?" Stef asked as she started to open the package that held the chlorhexidine patch that would be put on the port site to help stop infection and pressing the bandage against the area, making sure there were no air bubbles. She then quickly went to flushing the four lines that were pertruding out of the bandage. She had learned to do this When Lena spent the few days home so it wasn't as nerve wracking for her. She quickly swiped the first line with a alcohol swab before connecting and pushing the syringe of saline into the line. "Sorry, Love," Stef grimaced as Lena made a face. She didn't like the cold sensation that came from the saline. Throwing the plunger away she did the same thing with the other three.

"You did great," the nurse said as she patted Stef's arm. "Your chemo is still being made, I'll come and get you once it's done," she said to Lena.

"Thank you."

Stef threw everything away before washing her hands and sitting on the chair beside Lena's bed. "You ok, Babe?" Lena asked Stef who still looked a little shaken.

"You should not be the one asking that," Stef muttered before smiling, "I'm fine. How are you? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm feeling fine at the moment, it's ok for me to check in with you," Lena said "you didn't hurt me at all. You could snuggle with me though," she said holding her arm out. Stef easily crawled into the bed and laid next to Lena. Wrapping her arm around Lena's waist. "See, you always relax when we're snuggling," Lena smiled, resting her arm on Stef's and nudged her a little until she was resting on Lena's stomach. Lena slowly played with blond hair that fell onto Stef's shoulders. "I love you, Baby," Lena said softly.

"I love you too," Stef smiled turning so she was looking up at her.

"I'm scared, Stef," Lena said after a couple of minutes.

"I know," Stef said as she rubbed her hand up and down Lena's side and hip, "You can do this, and I'll be here," she said as she kissed Lena's stomach. Lena nodded though stayed silent for a while, closing her eyes as they lay there. It seemed like this nightmare had a million starting points. She thought the starting point would end at surgery, but it was such a new thing, and in a couple weeks she would have another new start with radiation.

"You'll be ready to go in about 20 minutes, but I wants to come and give you these," Lena looked up to see the nurse. In her hand was a blister pack and a cup of water, "It's a stronger antinausia medication," she said as she sat the cup down on the side table and popped open the blister pack and let the pills drop into a little white cup and giving Lena that and the water. Lena sighed and took them. "Do you have any questions?"

"No," Lena shook her head, "Not at the moment."

20 minutes later Stef was helping Lena into the wheelchair and pushing her down the hall with a nurse next to her, showing them down to the chemo room. Stef looked around and took a deep breath. The walls were lined with reclining chairs and a set of machines by each one. The nurse pointed them to one of the recliners and helped Lena into the recliner before cleaning and then connecting her central lines to medications and gave her 3 injections.

"If you need anything I and other nurses will be walking around, can I get you anything now?"

"No, thank you," Lena smiled as she moved slightly, trying to figure out how to sit comfortably in the chair. Once she was comfortable and her arms and shoulders were supported she turned to Stef who was staring at the bag of chemotherapy. "Hey, it doesn't hurt or anything," Lena said as Stef turned.

"That's good," Stef said with a huff of a smile.

"Do you remember our weekend at Barstow?" Lena said with a smile, "I've never heard you screech as loud as you did when you saw the roach."

"Hey," Stef laughed as they reminaced of that weekend.

An hour later Stef looked at Lena who was covered with a heated blanket and was staring off into space as the nurse unhooked her and got her back into the wheelchair and into her room and bed. "First one done," Stef said, sitting on the edge of Lena's bed and rubbed up and down her thigh.

Lena nodded with a small smile, "Yeah, first one."


	17. Dad

**AN- So before I start this chapter I just wanted to reiterate how different people's reaction to chemotherapy is. For me, it seems no matter what anti-nausea medication I'm on. I always end up violently ill, and within an hour or two. The one time they changed my meds to see if a different dosage would help, the chemo stopped being effective. I know of one person who messaged me saying they were reading my story after being diagnosed with cancer and going through it. This may not be your reaction. Random question to everyone, who would like to see Tammy and Laura again (owners of the salon)? Who thinks they should take a bigger part in the fic?**

Lena felt like she had just fallen asleep when she woke up to her stomach rolling, the bad taste in her mouth just made it worse, "Stef?" she got out, her hand flying to her mouth, whimpering from the movement pulling stitches in her side taunt. She couldn't get the little muscles she still had to sit herself up. It felt like it took forever but it couldn't be more than a few moments before Stef was beside her.

"Love," she said as she put her arms around Lena's back and lifted her, causing Lena's head to spin. Stef was able to get something under Lena as she lost it. Slipping behind Lena she held her up. Silently thanking the years of motherhood as she sat the basin in Lena's lap as she pulled Lena's hair away from her face, pressing the call button, and holding her gently around her stomach, whispering in her ear, turning slightly to eye a nurse that looked in.

Once Lena had finished, falling back against Stef the nurse took the basin from her, replacing it with a new one before giving her a small cup of non alcoholic mouthwash and let her wash her mouth out before giving her a cup of water, "We're going to add another anti-Nassau medication and something to make sure you keep hydrated," she said as she left to get the medication.

Lena rested heavily against Stef, letting her head fall back against Stef's shoulder. "Don't, I'm gross," Lena grumbled when she felt Stef's lips resting on her shoulder. Lena knew she sounded whiney but she felt disgusting and her whole torso throbbed in pain. She could feel the incision sites pulse.

"Well then here," Stef said, grabbing a small package of _Action Wipes_ from the small rolling table that they were given in a care package they were given from Laura and Tammy. The wipes were made for when people cannot shower. Pulling out a wipe she gently wiped behind Lena's neck and shoulder, smiling when she felt Lena relax with a small sigh. About that time the nurse came in, hooking two different bags to her central line.

"How are you feeling, Lena?" She asked as she hooked in the last bag of fluid.

"Not good, something for the pain would be really appreciated" Lena mumbled.

"What would you rate your pain at the moment?"

"About a seven," Lena said looking up at Stef with a silent plea to keep going. Once the nurse was done and headed out Stef took another wipe, wiping the front of Lena's neck and down to the bandages before doing her other shoulder and down her arm.

"Is that better, Love?" She asked, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"Yes, thank you," Lena said softly, turning her head slightly. Her stomach still churned but she closed her eyes, exhaustion taking over.

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Lena cried between dry heaves as she pushed back against Stef's body to try and ground herself. She could hear Stef talking in a low voice but it was drown out by her body's protest to what she was putting it through. She held tightly to the hands the were holding around her stomach, "C-can you call my Dad?" Lena asked through tears as she once again rinsed her mouth out, leaning back against Stef and turning her face into Stef's neck, hiding into the safety of the sent and feel of Stef.

"Of course," Stef said as she kissed Lena's forehead and grabbing her cell phone from the table.

"I'm sorry," Lena said quietly.

"It's fine, Love. I understand, sometimes I just want my mom. Baby, I really got to go to the bathroom," Stef said apologetically, as she gently slipped from behind Lena and helped sit against the raised head of the bed. With her having trouble sitting up the first time they had decided laying her flat was too dangerous unless someone was right there with her. Walking into the small bathroom Stef took a deep breath as she stood against the door. She went to the bathroom and washed her hands, splashing water on her face. Pulling her phone out she saw a text from Stuart saying he'd be there in 20 minutes. Checking the time she was relieved to see it was 7:30 in the morning so she didn't feel bad for the text

_Have an urge for gross hospital coffee?-Stef_

_**How about Starbucks in a hospital cafeteria? I could bring grande lattes- Laura**_

_That'd be great. Stuart is going to be here in 20 to see Lena. -Stef_

_**I'll be there in 25.- Laura**_

Stef sighed as she walked back in the room and smiled softly at her wife who had her eyes closed, one hand tangled into the fabric of Stef's sweatshirt. "I'm awake," Lena murmurer when she felt Stef hover.

"Your dad is on his way, he'll be here in 15 minutes or so," Stef said as she lowered the bed a little bit before sliding in beside her, "I'm going to try something, tell me if it hurts, ok?"

"Ok," Lena said uncertainly looking at her.

Stef gently turned Lena a little bit, making sure not to turn her so much as to not have her fully on her side and scooting forward so she was leaning against Stef's, her head against Stef's chest. Lena looked over at her and smiling, "You good?" Stef asked as she kissed Lena softly.

Lena nodded and closed her eyes as Stef wrapped her arm around Lena's middle, "Will you be ok if I have coffee with Laura while you see your dad?"

"I don't want anyone seeing me right now," Lena said as she scooted farther into Stef.

"She doesn't have to come in, we'll go to the cafeteria and you can have some Daddy-Daughter time, what's wrong, Love," Stef asked when she watched as Lena looked at her with weary eyes.

"Nothing," Lena said and tried to smile.

"Hey, hey, no going non-verbal on me," Stef said as she ran her hand down Lena's cheek.

"I just- it's the first time you've..." Lena tried.

"I don't have to go," Stef said as she hugged Lena firmly.

"No, I want you to go," Lena smiled unconvincingly.

"I promise I will have my cellphone on me the entire time. All you need to do is have your dad call and I'll be here in five minutes."

"Ok," Lena said as she laid back against Stef, "I know you have to get out, I'm just..."

"Scared, it's ok to be scared, Love," Stef said, kissing her temple.

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"You can't leave her even to go to the bathroom with the head of the bed down, she can't sit up incase she throws up."

"Ok,"

"Try and get her to drink some gingerale but it needs to be flat, the bubbles will upset her stomach, even though she's not a fan of it flat,"

"I know, Hun,"

"She's really self catious, don't say anything that she could take the wrong way,"

"Stef-"

"And in her central line, if it gets pulled-"

"Stef, Honey," Stuart said, putting her hand on her shoulder, "It's only going to be a half hour, we'll be fine." Stef smiled a little,

"Ok, I know."

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Stef sat opposite Laura, "We've been through four anti-nausea medications and she's still throwing up anything she gets down," she said with a small sigh, "Did you know that with throwing up so much capillaries in your esophagus burst and you get blood in your vomit?"

"I didn't," Laura said, patting Stef's hand "I'm sure you're doing fine."

"I'm exhausted," Stef admitted, "And I'm sure I look like shit. What if I can't do it? And I feel like shit saying that because all I'm doing is sitting and holding her while she's going through it while shes the one this is happening too."

"Hey, it is just as stressful on you as it is with her. What is the doctor saying?"

Stef shrugged, "They're not sure what they can do about it. They're going to try and lower the dosage. But it might not work, or if it stops the symptoms it might not fight that cancer."

"Can I see her?" Laura asked quietly after a half hour of sitting and talking to Stef.

"She feels so self conscious, she doesn't want to see anyone right now," said and watched the look of sadness and worry that flashed across her face. Stef internally groaned, she had just dumped on her and now was denying her the right to check on her, "Ok, but you can never tell her I did."

"Ok, thank you," Laura said as they stood up. Slowly they walked up to the oncology ward, where there was a small window through the door to Lena's room. Stef peaked through the window and her heart broke at the sight of Lena curled in her father's lap, a blanket wrapped around her and a basin in her lap, seemingly asleep on his shoulder. She waved Laura over who looked in. Stef heard a noise escape Laura's mouth before she turned and Stef walked her back to the elevator,

"In the next couple days, when hopefully she starts feeling a little better, I'll try to talk to her about you and Tammy coming to see her. Thank you so much for listening to me complain for the past hour."

Laura nodded and hugged Stef with tears in her eyes, "Call anytime, ok? And give her a hug for me."

"I'll see you soon."


	18. the food wars and kids

**AN- Happy memorial day everyone! So I try and keep this fic as real as possible, but if you want to see anything specific, let me know. I kind of wait until I have overcome something before writing it. Like this chapter, the first time the kids see Lena after the firs chem. But I do want to keep people's ideas in consideration. **

Lena stared at a plate of jello, mashed potatoes, scrambled eggs, and a milk shake, trying not to gag at it. It had been four days since chemo. And the seven pounds she'd lost since then had the doctors, but more than that, her wife, on high alert. Between the nausea and the mouth sores she'd developed, white blisters on the inside of her lip and the roof of her mouth, food was almost an enemy. What made her pick up her baby spoon, a small spoon wrapped in a soft material meant to make sure babies didn't cut their mouth for for her not to irritate her mouth, was the effort Stef had gone through. She knew her wife had spent over a half hour trying to get an array of things that might sound good to her. At the moment her wife was curled up on the recliner, her own milk shake in her hand though Stef was dozing. Stef had been refusing to go home, even for an hour or two, and Lena knew it was because of the first day after her chemotherapy. As much as Lena knew her wife didn't want to admit it, it scared the hell out of Stef.

Lena scooped up a little bit of scrambled eggs and took a bite, trying not to gag at the stringy, lumpiness, going down her throat. It reminded her of the 24 hours where all she seemed to do was sleep and throw up. Moving to the jello she took a bite, finding the slipperiness of it unappetizing. Lena finally sighed in relief when she found that the mashed potatoes seemed to be fine. She forced herself to take a few bites before taking the milkshake and taking a sip as she watched her wife sleep. In a few hours Mariana and Jude would come and visit in the first time in almost a week. She was still trying to convince Stef to go home for a few hours. In a day or two, sometime before her next round of chemo, Callie and Jesus would come visit. The doctors didn't want her having more than three people at a time visiting. Her children had decided who was coming when, though she was pretty sure her dad helped facilitate that.

"Hi, sleepyhead," Lena said softly when Stef started to stir, setting her milkshake down.

"Hi, Love, sorry I fell asleep," she murmured as she sat up, setting her milkshake down and sitting down cross legged on the end of the hospital bed.

"You're fine, I just ate a little bit, nothing too exciting," Lena said as she watched Stef scan her plate. "I'm still drinking my milkshake and I'll try and eat some more in a little bit," she said, seeing the wheels in Stef's head spin. She knew she didn't eat much, but eating anything else at the moment made her feel sick.

"Lena-"

"I know, I know, if I don't get enough calories I will be given a feeding tube," Lena said with a sigh, "I'm working on it."

"Baby, I'm just worried," Stef said as she pulled Lena to her and sitting in the dip of her lap.

"I know," Lena said as she rested her face in Stef's neck, "I'm trying to eat, so will you try to do something for me?"

"You know I will," Stef said as she ran her hand up and down her back.

"I want you to go home for a few hours while the kids are here," Lena said as she relaxed into the ministrations, "I want you to take a long bath or shower and maybe take a nap in our bed."

"Lena-"

"Honey, you're looking like you're going to crash. Please go take a break, I'll be fine."

"I don't know."

"Three hours at home, please? You said you would do anything."

"That was evil," Stef said as she kissed Lena's forehead, cupping Lena's jaw to guide her to her lips, kissing her gently. Lena smiled, kissing her back.

"I know, I'm sorry. But you need rest and I'm doing alright today. You could really use some time to relax while Jude and Mariana could really use some Mama time."

"Three hours, and I'm talking to them before I leave."

"Deal." Lena smiled.

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"You guys, you really need to be careful around Mama, she gets tired easily," Stef said to her two children, running her hand through her hair.

"Mom, we just brought stuff to paint our nails and watch a movie," Jude said quietly, looking apprehensive. Stef closed her eyes and breathed.

"That sounds great, Bud. That was a smart idea," she smiled kissing his cheek, "Have fun ok. Both of you guys, text me right away if Mama feels sick or just looks like something is wrong, ok? She should be fine though."

They both agreed and after she had hugged and kissed them both they gave eachother a look before opening their Mama's boy. "Miss. Thing, Bud," Their Mama smiled from where she was sitting against the head rest where it was raised.

"Hi Mama," Mariana smiled going over and hugging her. Jude followed closely.

"Do I get to see report cards?" she asked as Mariana sat on the recliner and Jude sat on the bed. Jude pulled his out of his back pocket with a small smile. He waited a minute before he heard the excited squeal.

"It's just a 'B' Mama," he said blushing.

"You worked really hard for that grade, Bud. I am so proud of you," she said as she pulled Jude next to her and hug him. He had went from not passing with his math entrance exam to a 'B', she couldn't be prouder. Mariana handed her's over. "Mariana, nothing below a 'B', and great comments from your teachers. You guys make me so proud." she smiled, hugging her daughter.

"School's not the same without you, Mama," Mariana said quietly, "I used to hate you were walking the halls every day. Now, it's so weird."

"Oh, Baby, I'll be back next year," she said, kissing her forehead.

"We brought nail polish," Jude told her.

"Oh, you know, I would love my nails painted," Lena smiled to him, "Can you do mine blue?"

"ok, if I can do mine pink," he smiled.

"And we brought a movie, the new Disney one," Mariana told her pulling it out, "I can put it in."

"That would be great Sweety," Lena said as Jude started to paint her nails, "Just make sure you leave one of my pointer fingers unpainted so they can check my oxygen level. They can't when it's painted," she explained to Mariana who looked a little confused. Lena painted one of Jude's hands and let Mariana do the other when her hands started shaking.

Forty minutes into the movie Jude was snuggled into one of Lena's sides and Mariana was laying lengthway across the end. One of the nurses had popped popcorn the kids had brought for the movie and brought Lena a thing of yogurt which she managed a few bites of before falling asleep to her kids laughter.

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Stef walked into the house to find Callie wiping down the kitchen counters, "Hey, Sweets," she said, kissing her temple as she made her way to the coffee pot, pouring a large cup of coffee.

"What are you doing home?" Callie asked, looking up surprised.

"What you don't want to see your old Mom?" Stef said, playfully hitting her shoulder. "Mama forced me out of her room," Stef shrugged, "Where's Jesus?"

"Went to mini golf and lunch with Emma." Callie said, trying to protest when Stef took the rag from her and made her sit down.

"So they're getting more serious?" Stef asked with a smile.

"Looks like it."

"I'm going to go take a shower and I want you to do something other than household stuff or taking care of anyone, got it?"

"Mom," Callie said exasperated.

"No offense, Sweets, but you look like crap. You don't look like you've slept in days. The rule in this house is you are the kid, remember?" Callie nodded, yes, they had had this conversation many times before. "This is why Grandma and Grandpa are here. Go write or play your guitar or take a nap," Stef said, patting her behind as she walked up to her room, being stopped by her mom on the way up.

"Hello Stefanie," Stef took two deep breathes before turning on the stairs.

"Hi mom."

"Going to grab some clothes?"

"Yeah, and take a shower and maybe lay down for a few minutes."

"You sure Callie isn't your biological daughter that you somehow hid from me all these years?"

"What are you talking about, Mom?" Stef laughed as she folded her arms around her chest.

"Well, other than that stance," she said looking her daughter up and down with a shake of the head, "I have to fight her tooth and nail to let people help her out and sits at the kitchen table strumming her fingers when she can't sleep." Stef shook her head, yes that sounded like her daughter.

"She's still trying to figure out the whole 'I don't have to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders' thing."

"Well lets hope she doesn't take as long as you are to figure it out."

Stef rolled her eyes, "I'll be down in a while, Mom."

"Have a good shower," Sharon smiled before going back to her book.

Stef went up to her room and opened the door slowly. Sighing as she felt the familiar safe feeling of being in her and Lena's room. Sitting on the edge of the bed she looked around. It was too quiet. Looking at a basket of folded laundry she pulled out pj pants, t-shirts, and underwear for Lena and found a worn pair of jeans and an oversized t-shirt for herself. Heaving a sigh she got up and went to the eun suite, starting the shower and getting in, enjoying the warm water cascading down her back. It was there she let herself cry for the first time since Lena's surgery, since the start of her chemo. If she was honest with herself she was scared as hell. Nothing had scared her as much as the last couple of days, the sound of the water let her forget about the sounds of her wife dry heaving for what felt like hours at a time.

"Mom?" a sound of knocking pulled her out of her head.

"Yes, Sweets?" she called, mustering as much of a light hearted voice as she could.

"You've been in there over a half hour, I just wanted to make sure you're ok."

"I'll be out in a couple minutes Callie Girl," Stef said as she quickly grabbed her shampoo to wash her hair.

Back in her bedroom she curled up on top of the blankets, not able to force herself to get under the sheets. Laying on Lena's side of the bed she threw her arm over her eyes to block the light and let her body sink into the familiar space. At couldn't have been but a few minutes when Stef felt like she was being watching, moving her arm and raising her head she noticed Callie standing at the door. Every few seconds running her finger over the tip of her nose, a sure tell sign she was exhausted.

"Hey Baby Girl," Stef said with a smile, "Do you need to talk?" Callie shook her head but didn't move. "Well, I've been trying to take a nap but haven't been able to without Mama snoring next to me. Do you want to lay down with me for a little while?"

"Mama doesn't snore, that's you," Callie smiled as she climbed onto the bed, pressing into Stef's side.

"I do not snore, take that back," Stef smiled as she ran her hand up and down Callie's back, watching as her daughter easily relaxed against her. It had taken a long time for that to happen, and even now it's rare. But she was glad to see her daughter getting some obvious much needed rest, "Good night, Sweets," she whispered, kissing the top of Callie's head before laying back, looking at the clock it was 4, she would get up by 5:45 she told herself, and go back to Lena.

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"Hi, Daddy," Lena looked up from where she and the kids were sitting and talking. Jude was telling her about someone he had a crush on and Mariana was going on about Zack, "I didn't realize you were coming."

"Well, Stef and Callie are both out cold so I thought I'd come get these two heathens since they have school tomorrow. I figured it'd give Callie and Stef a little bit longer to sleep."

"Really?" Lena asked, perking up a bit. Thankful to hear that Stef was relaxing.

"Yep, I even took a picture, they were so cute," Stuart said, pulling out his phone and opening his pictures. He passes the phone to Lena who saw Stef laying on the bed, Lena's pillow wrapped in her arms, Callie pressed against Stef's back.

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Stef was cursing herself as she threw clothes in her duffle bag. Thinking for a moment she went to the back of her closet and pulled her sweatshirt from training out and put it in the bag also. Lena always seemed to be cold lately. She was just about to leave, an hour later than she had planned when she heard Callie start to stir, mumbling in her sleep. Sitting carefully on the edge of the bed she rested her hand on Callie's back.

"Mmmmama" Callie mumbled frantically in her sleep, "Mammma, come back,"

"Callie, Baby, it's just a dream," Stef said as she rubbed Callie's back to try and wake her, "Come on, Love, wake up."

"Mama, I will give you a kiss. Please, Mama, Lena!"

Stef laid beside Callie and wiped the tears that ran down her daughter's eyes as she pulled her to her chest, whispering in her ear. She held on to her tightly as Callie jerked awake with a gasp looking around before her eyes fell on Stef's.

"It was just a dream, Love," Stef whispered as she kissed the top of Callie's head as Callie pressed her face in Stef's chest, trying to disappear, "Mama's going to be fine, it was just a dream," she said as she stroked Callie's hair.

"It feels so real, like one day I'm going to wake up and you're going to be telling us Mama died," Callie whispered into Stef's chest, her breath hitching, "I don't want to loose my Mama."

"I know, Baby Girl, I know it's scary," Stef said as she held Callie tight against her, unsure of what she could tell her to ease her mind, "But Mama's had a good day. She ate some, she's watching a movie with your brother and sister. She's doing really good."

Callie didn't reply but let up a little on the hold of Stef. "Do you think you can go back to sleep, Love? I'll stay with you until you do," Stef asked softly.

"Please," Calle said after a moment when Stef moved them into a comfortable position.

"Please what?" Stef asked a little confused, figuring there was more to the request.

"Please stay."

"Of course, Love Bug," Stef said as she kissed Callie's temple, her right hand going up the back of Callie's shirt, running her hand soothingly across her back as she watched Callie succumb to sleep.

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It was 7:30 before Stef finally got out of the house, Stuart was on a blow up bed on the floor in her room to keep an eye on Callie, and the rest of her kids were in their rooms doing homework. Walking into Lena's hospital room she saw Lena snoring softly. Looking at the chart that listed Lena's meds she saw that Lena was given pain meds on request and after a nurse came in and helped her with bandages. As much as she knew getting back at home for a few hours was good for her, a part of her was able to relax once her wife was in her sight. Laying down behind Lena on the small hospital bed she pulled her tightly against her front, kissing the back of Lena's neck softly.

"Mmm, hi, Baby," Lena murmured, turning her head to get a kiss. Stef smiled, kissing her lips.

"Hi, Love. Did you have a good day with the kids?"

"mmmhmmm," Lena hummed as she rested her hand over Stef's that was laying on her stomach, "How's home?"

Stef chuckled softly, "Not burned down yet."

"Dad said you and Callie got a nap in."

"Yep, were you able to get any food down?"

"a yogurt," Lena said as she scooted her behind closer to Stef and sighed deeply, yawning.

"Good job, Love," Stef smiled as she kissed Lena again, "You sound sleepy, go back to sleep."

"Just pain meds, I'll be fine in a couple hours," Lena said.

"Phantom pains again?" Stef asked softly. Lena just nodded.

"Well just Sleep, My Love. I'll be here when you wake up."

"I love you , Stef."

"I love you too, Baby."


	19. Hair loss

_Now it__'s forced smiles and baggy shirts, to hide what the cancer took from her. She just wants to feel like a woman again. _

"I think it's about time to take these stitches out," Dr. Bissonette said as he came to check on Lena's progress. Stef was sitting beside Lena on a chair, facing her to try and figure out the emotions going through her head. Lena wouldn't make eye contact with either Stef or the doctor. "And after that you don't need your dressings. That being said, you can actually get into the shower." Stef smiled at Lena. She would have thought Lena would be happy. She hated sponge baths and talked about being able to be back in the shower, "Of course, a nurse or Stef should be in the bathroom with you, in case something happened." Stef watched Lena's face become stony. Silently she pushed back a loose curl on Lena's cheek.

"A shower sounds nice, hu, Love?" She asked softly as she watched Lena's eyes travel to her's, a distant look. Dr. Bissonette went to get supplies to remove the stitches and Stef pulled the blankets up around Lena's stomach, knowing how cold she must be. She leaned down to kiss Lena's forehead and was surprised to see Lena flinch away. "Baby? What's wrong?" she asked as she ran her hand down Lena's cheek. Lena shook her head to put Stef off and instead of answering stayed silent. "Baby, I could never know what you are going through, but I love you, more now than I ever did before." Lena nodded but pulled the blankets up around her more, turning her head from Stef. "Can I kiss you?" Stef asked softly as she stroked Lena's hair. Lena nodded once and turned to face Stef.

Leaning down she kissed Lena tenderly. Lena's eyes closing and a tear falling down her cheek as she kissed back. Stef carefully wiped the tear away and watched in worried interest as Lena reached up and ran a hand down the front of Stef, her touch so light Stef could have imagined it. Stef didn't know what to say, but she was pretty sure when Lena was thinking. Taking Lena's hands in her's she kissed her fingertips. Her nail beds had changed colors and her skin had become dried on the verge of cracking, despite the copious amounts of lotions Lena was forever rubbing into her hands.

The only good thing Lena thought was that they had gotten a combination of drugs that help with the nausea after the second round of chemo, which she had the day before, at least if she didn't move or eat. Her mind wandered as she turned away from Stef again, looking at the wall. She had been scooping litterings of hair off her pillow for the past two mornings. It disgusted her, and she couldn't imagine what Stef would think, being the person who freaks out if a couple strands are in the bathtub. And what about just in the shower. She didn't want Stef seeing her body.

Taking the stitches out was painful, and the jolting front her stomach muscles caused her stomach to roll, the doctor barely was finished before she was throwing up into a pink basin, she couldn't stop Stef before she pulled her hair back, Lena cringed as her mouth burned. Lena couldn't look at Stef as she took the basin from her and rinsed it out.

"Baby," Stef said carefully as she sat beside where Lena was sitting, rubbing her back, "I think your starting to loose your hair, Love."

"I know," Lena said with a whisper, turning slowly so she was looking at Stef. Running her hand through her hair and with a small tug curls clung to her fingers, a handful of coarse hair fluffed in her hand.

"I'm sorry, Love," Stef said as she carefully took the hair out of her hand, dropping it in the trashcan.

"How can you look at me?" Lena whispered with tears filling her eyes, looking down her chest and misshapen creases and dips and swelling, the weight loss had eaten away at the small curves she had, making her body look like it was in adolescence.

"Look at me," Stef said softly but firm as she took Lena's face in her hands, kissing her forehead, "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, and this will never change. Not only for your sexy looks but for your kind heart and your amazing outlook of life." Lena looked at her skeptically and Stef sighed pulling away for a moment before helping Lena stand, "Come on, we're taking a shower," she said as she wrapped an arm around Lena's waist and they made their way into the shower. She gave Lena the soft bristle toothbrush and mouth sensitive toothpaste as she started the shower. They were told the surgical site night be really sore to the shower spray so she turned the spray against the shower wall before turning back to Lena who was rinsing his mouth out a final time.

Moving to her she smiled, unbuttoning Lena's pajama shirt while keeping her eyes focused on Lena. Carefully she pushed the shirt of Lena's shoulders, "no, no," Stef murmurer as Lena went to cover her arms around her chest. she kissed Lena's shoulder and smiled at her, "please don't hide from me. I love you, I love your body. Let's just take a shower. Get you cleaned up." Lena sighed as she let Stef pull down her pajama pants and helped her out of them. She quickly pulled her own clothes off as the made their way into the shower. Lena tensed as Stef wrapped her arms around her,

"It's not the same," Lena said as she looked up wards.

"What's not?" Stef asked gently, of course things aren't the same.

"Nothing," Lena mumbled as she wrapped her arms around Stef's shoulders, "Everything." Lena couldn't explain it. The way Stef's body fell into the crevasses of her's. The feeling of Stef's naked body pressed against her breasts when they made love. "Like, how am I not thinking of making love to you right now?" she asked bitterly. "We were never the couple that judged our bodies against the other's and that's not what I'm doing it's just. I want to be normal, I want to feel your breasts pressing just below mine, I don't want to worry about my hair, I want my hips to stop disappearing, I just..." Lena sighed, letting her head fall into the crook of Stef's neck.

"Love," Stef murmured, letting her hands wander up and down her wife's back the water sprayed against Lena's shoulders. "It won't feel so different after a while. And Baby, you had chemotherapy yesterday, had stitches pulled out of your chest, and just finished puking, I'd be rather shocked if you wanted to have sex." Stef let her hands run to Lena's sides and stroke up and around to her shoulder blades and back down to her hips, hoping to sooth her with her touch.

It was a half hour later that Lena was wrapped in a robe and resting in bed. Her hair was noticeably thinner after Stef had washed and brushed it for her and she had to wonder how long ago it actually started. She let herself drift off to sleep and found herself sitting on the hospital bed as Curls dropped around her one by one until a doctor told her no more of her hair would fall out, it was at that point she looked in a mirror to see three curls sticking out of her bald head. She woke up crying and quickly brushed her tears away and tried to calm her breathing when she saw Stef had left the room, probably to check on the kids. She hadn't let anyone come and visit but she tried to bury her pride as she sent a text to Tammy asking if she could come the next morning with hair clippers.


	20. Haircuts

**AN- So, getting results back today... The tumor in my liver has grown in size. It****'s hard news to hear. I am in no way giving up but I do want to tell all my readers this. Thank you for reading along with my stories. Somedays they are what keeps me going. I started this journey knowing I had a 35% chance of surviving 5 years. I pray I am part of that 35% but if I'm not I know that writing these stories, and reading what you guys write, are what have brought me joy and have created some amazing memories between me and my eldest daughter. I am not giving up, but I think today has been a slap in the face that I need to be realistic about the chances. **

Lena stared at the food tray, pushing around mashed potatoes, one of the few foods she'd been able to eat before. She didn't want to eat. And if she was being truthful, maybe today she was just being ornery. Her head hurt. It's one of the many things they don't tell you about chemo. That hair loss hurt. She had heard people say it felt like their hair was in a really tight hair tie for a long time. Though, if she had to describe it it felt like someone was rubbing coarse sand into her scalp. She learned that nose hairs had a purpose. She was constantly wiping her nose now, and things were forever getting in her eyes because of the lack of eyelashes. To make things even better, the only hair she didn't loose were in places she shaved, like her legs and armpits, a cruel joke, we'll take all the hair you want and need, but leave the stuff you don't.

"I'm going to go get dressed before Laura and Tammy get here," Lena sighed finally, pushing the now cold and congealed lumps away. The muscle in her chest was actually starting to grow back, which made her happy. If she raised the head of her bed up all the way she could get herself into a sitting position on the side of the bed (it was still difficult, but it was something). She could hold her torso up for two minutes before her shoulders started to droop forward, five before it got to be too much. "I can do it Stefanie," she held up a hand as Stef walked over.

"You really think I'm going to stay out here while you try to walk to the bathroom and change your clothes? You must think I'm crazy," Stef said as she stood beside Lena. "Do you want help up?"

"No," The voice was angry and she stood, taking a second to work out the new weight distribution of her body. Stef sighed but didn't touch her, staying one step behind as Lena shuffled to the bathroom. "Shit, how did I forget my clothes," Lena fumed as she sat on the chair in the bathroom.

"I'll get them," Stef said, leaving before Lena could argue, bringing back fleece button up pajamas. Lena unbuttoned and worked her current pajama shirt off before looking at the new outfit. She had bought them that winter. Warm, but the top dipped down low. A few months ago if she was wearing them it would show a peak of cleavage.

"Can I umm... Can I borrow one of your camis?" Lena asked. It was the first day without the bandages covering her chest and she really didn't want it on display when Tammy and Laura got there.

"Sure," Stef said trying not to show the questioning look on her face as she grabbed one out of her bag and brought it back to the bathroom.

"Holy crap," Lena laughed five minutes later, her arms were up as far as she could raise them (straight out infront of her) and Stef as trying to pull it down her, but Lena was quickly slumping forward. They couldn't help giggling at the situation.

"I guess there's a reason the doctor suggested only button down shirts?" Stef asked with a giggle as she finally was able to pull it down Lena's body. Stef was between Lena's legs, letting her rest against her stomach as Stef snaked her hands in between them and buttoned the pajama shirt quickly. Helping her back into bed Stef tried not to cringe when she saw the cami "I'm sorry, Love, I should have thought about that. I can run home and get some different pajamas."

"I am not changing again," Lena smiled. The small interaction of the changing made her mood a little lighter. She briefly looked down and saw where the cami bunched, stretched from Stef's chest. She looked up at Stef and gave a small shrug. It was a step in the right direction, to becoming ok.

"You ok?" Stef asked.

"Yeah," Lena said softly, "For the moment."

"Is that a tattoo Mama? Didn't Mom say no one can have a tattoo?" Lena looked up with a smile to see Callie, Jude, and Jesus with Laura and Tammy behind them.

"Oh Mom made me get a tattoo, kind of like an 'x marks the spot'," Lena teased Jesus while Tammy and Laura laughed, the kids made gagging noises, and Stef snorted in her soda. "No Love, it wasn't really a choice, it's for when they do radiation," she explained, running her finger across the plus sign tattooed on her stomach before pulling her shirt farther down her stomach. "I thought Tammy and Laura were coming by themselves."

"Aunt Tammy and Laura wanted to spend time with their new niece and nephew. It's time Callie and Jude get to know our extended family right?"

"Yes," Lena smiled, "You are absolutely right."

"Plus, we all needed hair cuts and Laura said there was a hair cutting party going on."

"What..." Lena said carefully.

"Wyatte's getting jealous that I have more hair than him."

"Callie you don't have to-"

"I think it's time for a short hair, Mama, like Aunt Tammy's."

"Sweatheart-"

"I want to do this, Mama, let me."

"And I think being bald will be cool!" Jude said jumping up.

"You're not alowed," Lena said, turning to Stef.

"But, Lov-"

"No, Stef. Please," Lena asked softly.

"Ok," Stef said with a small nod and kissing her.

"PDA! Blahh!"

"Jesus Foster," Stef yelled. Pulling him to her and giving him a wet willie.

"Ewwww, Mom, ok."

Stef watched as Laura and Tammy talked with Lena quietly and she smiled. She could tell Lena was self conscious. Wrapping her arms around her chest.

"Tammy, can you do me first?" Jesus asked as he sat on a chair, straddling the back.

"Sure, Hun," Tammy smiled as she rummaged through one of the bags she brought in until she found a pair of clippers. Throwing a towel around him and plugged the clippers in.

Lena watched as her son's dark hair fell to the floor in clumps, the buzz of the hair clippers filling her mind. Part of her was proud, that her son had became such an amazing young man. "What do you think Mama?" Jesus asked. She was pulled out of her thoughts to see him with his head bald.

"It looks great, Bud," Lena smiled trying not to let tears fill her eyes.

"ME NEXT!" Jude called as he took Jesus' spot with a grin. Lena and Callie let out a laugh. Tammy quickly worked with his head as Callie snuggled with Lena.

"You know you don't need to do this, Baby," Lena said softly as she stroked Callie's curls.

"Mama, I want to. I've been meaning to get a hair cut for a while. I'm just doing it shorter than I planned," Callie said as she played with a couple strands of Lena's hair.

"You don't know how proud I am of you kids," Lena said as she kissed Callie's forehead.

"We're just doing what you would do for us."

"That's because I'm the mama, it's my job."

"Sometimes it's the kid's job too."

"Who's going first, Callie or Lena?" Tammy asked the two snuggling on the bed. Callie looked at Lena who pointed her head towards the chair. Callie smiled. "What are we doing, Sweetheart?" Tammy asked as she pulled more stuff out of her bag.

"I don't know, something edgy, and I won't have to take much time on," Callie said as Tammy starting cutting her hair. Twenty minutes later Callie had a short shaggy haircut. "I love it! It'll be great with bandannas. Thank you Aunt Tammy," Callie smiled and hugged Tammy.

"Wow, Sweets, that looks great," Stef smiled, "Don't you think, Mama?" She asked looking over at Lena. Lena was grinning, "I love it," She said, blinking he eyes quickly, and she did. Though she loved her two sons that shaved their heads, this was a way that Lena knew Callie was supporting her, and it wasn't so in your face.

"Ready, My Love?" Stef asked Lena, rubbing her arm. Lena took a deep breath and nodded. Stef helped her into the chair after Laura swept around it. Tammy swept Lena's hair in a pony tail before squeezing her shoulder gently and cutting above the band. Lena closed her eyes as her now shorter curls falled into her eyes and across her face. She was thankful Tammy worked quickly and within ten minutes her hair was gone. "How does it feel?" Stef asked. Lena opened her eyes and realized everyone was looking at her.

"Cold," Lena said with a small laugh, running a hand across her head.

"Looks exotic," Stef said with a wink and a smile.

"You are impossible," Lena shook her head.

"It looks badass, Mama," Jesus commented. Lena couldn't even muster a glare for his language.

Laura pulled something out of a bag without Lena realizing it and onto Lena's head, handing her a mirror. Lena couldn't help but laugh at the bright blue wig on her head. "Or this?" Laura asked, pulling a straight, blond wig on "You and Stef could be twins."

"NO!" The answer came with laughter from the whole family.

"We have something else from me and Laura," Tammy said, pulling out a couple gift bags as Lena got situated back in bed. "This is for your next round of chemo," she said as Lena pulled out nausea pops, coconut water, the softest blanket she'd ever felt, lemon drops, a journal, lotion, hand sanitized, and and chapstick. "Kind of like a chemo care package." Laura handed her another bag,

"Stef said they night let you out between radiation and chemo, we thought you might need some things to keep busy," she said as Lena pulled out a a guided journal and a think of pens with pink ribbons covering the pens; she was surprised to pull out a couple design coloring books, markers, and colored pencils, "You used to color in between classes," Laura smiled with a shrugged "I looked online and found out that these ones 'Angie Grace Coloring Books' are the most popular." Lena shook her head as she pulled out a couple movies and two cross stitch kits. "It's a good time to start your crafting again."

"You guys, this is too much," Lena said as she put stuff in the bag.

"We've been collecting for a few weeks, if it hadn't been three weeks you would have gotten less stuff," Laura smirked, hugging her. "You look exhausted."

"I am kind of worn out," Lena admitted.

"The kids have a gift for you and them we'll get out of here so you can sleep."

"Babies, you guys didn't have to get me anything."

"Oh it was fun," Callie smiled as she dumped a pile of bandannas on the bed, "Grandpa told us you used to wear Bandannas all the time."

"Just like Callie used to, I made her buy a couple for herself," Jude smiled as he pulled a dark purple one with butterflies all over it out and held it out to her, "I picked this one out."

"I love it, it's beautiful, Bud," Lena smiled, pulling it loosely on her head.

"Callie, did you bring your purple one?" Jude asked. Callie laughed, pulling a dark purple bandanna out of her purse and pulling it on as the boys picked a couple out and Stef helped them put them on as the kids posed around Lena while Laura and Stef took pictures.

"And if you don't want to wear a bandanna," Jesus said as he pulled another bag out, taking out seven hats and four beanies including an old one.

"Honey, this is your lucky beanie," Lena said as she fingered the worn gray beanie.

"You need the luck more than me right now. I will need it back for tests though," Jesus smiled.

"Thank you, Bud," Lena said as she hugged him as the kids started clearing off the bed.

"No problem," Jesus said as he put the bag on the table and waited while the two other kids said goodbye to Lena.

"What do you guys say?" Tammy asked "We pick Mari up from play practice and go out for some chinese food."

"Yeah! I want some baked humbow," Jesus said.

"Let me give you some money," Stef said as she grabbed her purse.

"No way," Tammy said as she hugged the two women, "But I am taking Callie and showing her off for my hair cutting skills," she teased "She should get me a few hundred clients."

"Thank you," Lena said as she wrapped her arms around Laura, "For everything."

"When do I get to see you again?" She asked.

"How about after radiation? I have it in three days. Either at home, or here, depending on how it goes."

"Sounds like a plan." Laura smiled.

Lena laid closed her eyes after she watched them go, she felt Stef curl up next her, "It's ok to be upset you know, you don't have to pretend you aren't around me," Stef said softly as she watched Lena's hand slowly reach up and run across her bald head.

"I feel like it's taking everything from me," Lena said softly.

"It's not. It's not taking the most important thing you have, your family."

Lena nodded even though a couple tears fell from her eyes, "I thought you would at one point... I don't know."

"Stop loving you because you don't have hair? Or your breasts were removed?" Lena nodded. "Baby, you realize when I married you it was forever, when we're both old and gray and my boobs sag to my belly button. Think about it, you won't have to worry about that." Lena let out a laugh and snuggled into Stef, resting her head on Stef's chest.


End file.
